Not The Man.
Coming off a breakup, I am trying to put things back where they were before the first time she came and never left. It's not as bad as it sounds, besides it might not have been the day after, but a year later they left after all.
To be accused of not willing to change, it's quite contrary to the evidence left behind. As I rearrange things to lessen the way they remind me of what once was, I see nothing but proof that I did change many things as a way to compromise.
As if I needed to change given that it's my house that I welcomed them into. Too many things had to be moved back or thrown away but none as unbelievably so wasteful as the love devalued.
I'm torn if the stickers on my fridge should remain untouched. Scary movies on my Netflix queue will never be watched, My sentiment is a detriment and it always has been. Though these things can be removed.
But how about things irreplaceable? What if I had listened and gave away my dog? What if I was dumb enough to sell my humble home and move into a luxurious apartment? What if I allowed myself to be desperately submissive to anyone for their love, approval, and acceptance? Where would I be now after they ran from accountability and compromise?
I'd only have more of the hate for myself for letting the promise of love lure me into a life that's lamentable than what lonely already is.
What a shame! How easy it is for some to squander away a start of something special. Instead select to save all of the past's simple pleasures and soirées selfishly showing by their actions that to them, love is less important.
If running away doesn't mean being scared, then it must mean being not ready. Either way, it's an easy way out and leave me with all the remnants of their reasoning. Perhaps something about me changed their mind. If it's something that they already knew from the very beginning, they'll have to find another excuse or reason aside from their childhood memory to justify how they tried to make me feel emasculated. I am a man but I'm not that man.