will i ever be good enough for her

sticky note journals dedicated to my soulmate / soft words and falsified arrogance encoded in every line

you're out there living without me and it angers me / i hope you're doing alright, please take care

when we meet i'll know, regardless of what i thought you'd be like / types and labels wash away with ease

will it matter what i look like to you? will you care? / will i really know it's you when our eyes meet?

i want to warm your heart, your hands, lovingly / lovingly, unlike those who hurt us in the past

because no matter how beautiful your soul is, your reflection shows the scars of harsh poison hidden under thinly veiled microaggressions / walking on needles so as not to offend everyone, but they show you half of the kindness you give.

and please understand that i have trouble telling the truth / feelings crumpled into paper balls and burned for s'mores

i'm sorry for hurting you, i wish i could verbalize, but my parents never taught me how to apologize / please tell me it's okay, because my fear of losing you overtakes the importance of every other event in my life, please tell me we're okay.

letters in wax-sealed envelopes for my soulmate / soft words locked in a box that decay in a wooden time capsule

i wish you were here, tears streaming as i bury what i want to say / i wish you were here with me, but you aren't.

i wish you were here / but i'm not good enough for you yet.