Shower Thoughts

Giving this whole writing thing a swing. I'm not much for grammar or spelling but it's been an effective outlet so far. I hate editorializing too, but here we are. Anyway. I find myself thinking a lot these days about concepts that I have always considered important, but now there is a sense of urgency and gravitas to them. I guess one could easily look at my life and say, "you're just becoming an adult" or, “These are the things you think about when you are going to have your first child". I can't say that either of these things are wrong but I just do not feel as if these explanations fit the mold. Also, it doesn't help that I am a firm believer in the fact that no one actually "grows up" per se, we all just develop a second personality that takes the wheel when your "big child with more money" default isn't quite appropriate.

I find myself thinking about politics a lot but not on the basic level of policy and conservatives versus liberals. I've lately adopted the attitude that politics has become more than systemic framework or a giant game of three-dimensional chess. Not to get too political here, but I do ponder often how we as a collective group of humans could have chosen such a person to represent us as not only a country but as a portion of mankind. I don't think I need to go into great detail as to why I feel this way, but I think most can agree that the list is not short and it continues to grow even at the time of this writing. All this to say, I do not blame ole' Donny. In fact, when I began thinking about it more, I really had to have a moment with God when I realized I couldn't blame much anything on him. Just to be clear, I do not condone much, if any, of what he has done, but at the very least, it’s hard for him to assume all the blame. When a wild animal eats another animal in the wild, we cannot blame them because they are simply doing what their basic nature intended them to do, and to me, the same logic applies with Don. He really did not do anything surprising when you look at the way he behaved in the past, and although he has done horrible things, he is doing exactly what he has always been doing. "So what’s the issue"? Glad you asked - Here's the rub. How did we as a collective group of people get to a point where enough of us were okay with those things that he was able to occupy that platform. I question where we are at as people. To go back to the seemingly abandoned statement from earlier (paragraph 2, sentence 2), Our political system, our government, has become a reflection of us as humans: The things we value, the things we are willing to accept, but also the things we deem as evil and the things we do not condone. Nothing profound, I guess. I am young and I am not stumbling upon anything that is original or new, but if you are willing to indulge me for a moment, take the four things I mentioned above and use those as categories. Next, take inventory of the things that Don-Don as a person, or his character, has brought to the table based on his actions and statements etc. Now try and place each of those things in the respective four categories. Be honest with yourself when you do this, but also be honest with yourself when you look at where the chips lie and ask yourself, "are you okay with this"? Again, this isn't really about Donny J. on da' mic as much as it is a question about us as people.

I think we have the privilege of living in an interesting time. I don’t think the basics of life have really changed since our parents or grandparents, but I think the lens with which we view these things and our ability to respond to them is vastly different. There is no denying that there has been an obscene amount of national and international atrocities that have occurred in just the last decade, and when these things happen, one has to ask the timeless question: "chicken or the egg"? While I have my theories, I do not have any desire to really get into these things here, and quite frankly, I'm not so sure it really matters. Either way, it ends up creating a self-perpetuating cycle that ultimately churns out fear in mass quantities.

I'm sure your probably ready for me to get to the point of all this, so there it is: Fear.

I think.

When you boil it down, fear is the ever-present element that hangs over most people’s lives and decisions. When you sort through the nuances of each a tragedy, big or small, fear is always there. It's a powerful thing, but more importantly, it's a universal thing. Any two people can argue until they are blue in the face about the details of an event or decision without really making headway of any recognizable sense. We do this all the time: They didn't need to steal that, instead they should have done this. This person was just lazy, they could’ve done X, Y, and Z before they did that. Depending on the way your life has played out, opinions about the details will change because when something isn't universal, we draw on what we know as rubric for evaluations, but when something is universally understood despite any and all factors, it becomes much harder maintain composure and clarity. The fear one feels when they have no money and their children are hungry is the same fear a widow feels when she tries to think of the rest of her life without her partner of fifty plus years. The fear one feels when the threat of imminent death approaches is the same fear a person feels when they entertain the possibility of never being worthy of love or acceptance. The fear one feels when they think that they will be remembered as a disappointment in the eyes of the ones they hold in highest regard is the same fear that is felt when someone is utterly helpless to defend and protect the ones they love. The details differ, but the root is the same. It will make people do horrible things, but it can also drive people to do amazing things.

As doom and gloom as this whole dissertation has been, I ultimately think that when it comes down to it, we as people will do the right thing. Sure, we might not do it the first time around, and sometimes we do, but I think that is because that’s just who we are. We are people, imperfection is in our nature, so why would a collection of people be immune to it? I think a big part of it, is people need to be given more than just an opportunity to succeed. I think what people need more than that is an opportunity to fail. When we all understand and accept this, it has a sweeping effect on so many things. When we are okay with admitting we were wrong, it opens the opportunity to learn instead of choosing to sink with the ship to avoid admitting you didn't get it right. It teaches people that just because you might have been right doesn't mean you are superior or that you will always be right, we can't expect perfection from them all the time. Finally, It dispels the fear of things like embarrassment, loss, or punishment that block people from the path of humility and ultimately knowledge and compassion that is necessary to support each other.

I guess I just feel like I want to have a better understanding of us. I've seen us do some horrible things to each other, but I've also seen amazing things, and in each of those times, I've seen what happens when fear and hate take the wheel, but I've also seen joy. The kind of joy that you don't even need to physically be around to have it force a smile on your face and swell your chest with pride and warmth. I want more of that. I want that for my wife, I want it for my soon-to-arrive daughter. I want it for everyone in my family. I guess I just want it for all of us.