Sexy Nerdism

When I learned I needed glasses at twelve years old, I cringed.

I blamed those frames for years of hopeless singlehood, as if they embodied the very essence of my bookworm soul and branded me an outcast from popular cliques from middle school onwards through college.

Then one fateful Valentine's Day my love invited me on a date...to the optometrist office.

While typically I embrace my beloved's practicality, I'll not pretend this "blind date" didn't disappoint me slightly. Exactly how we had thought to enjoy ourselves with this joint specs session I had no idea.

Yet there we stood, in a bright white office surrounded by frames and the reminder neither of us had made the cool cut.

However after that date I'll admit my viewpoint on the entire eyeglass experience changed forever.

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It starts like a frisky, BDSM-lite session with a bit of pain - a dash of huff and puff, a little squirting, some blindness...

Then there's the slow, tortuous drag of foreplay, "Better 1 or 2? Better 3 or 4? Come on, tell me what you really like."

Followed by the final fitting where you try on an assortment of sexy eye candy, sliding them on and off again with the coolness of a practiced hand. Until at last that one pair fits with the snug hug of a skullwrap that makes you feel completed.

"Oooh, those look good."

Yet you know they're only frames - the real art is you.

Finally you saunter out into the world, feeling confident and made, sunglasses blocking out the overwhelming brightness of a new day.

Absolutely nothing nerdy about reframing your vision to see a whole new world.

If anything, more folks should wish they had it so lucky. It's tough to beat the sexy feeling of a new pair of specs.

Or how amazingly clearer things look when you finally have 20/20 vision again - and realize that sexy figure besides you looks damn fine under glass too.