Dear Her...

Dear Her,

All these songs come on the radio, on my playlist, and they all have the same thing. Memories. Memories of having fun, memories of dancing, laughing, and memories of you. I always thought that if I didn’t say anything it would just happen, or you would walk into the room one day, singing songs to me. And it never happened. I would always think and picture moments I would see you, I would fantasize about what I would say to make you fall in love with me, and me to fall in love with you. It never happened though. We didn’t fall in love. I never understood love until after you let go. Or maybe I let go. I always thought it would be at first sight, and yet, I have seen hundreds of beautiful women, and never once fallen in love with them. Maybe that's the problem, I haven’t found the one. But I thought it was you.

I think of a song saying look up at the stars, they’re like pieces of art. Floating above the ground. I didn’t understand the lyrics the first time I heard it, but I do now. There are millions of stars, just like there are millions of women, and you can get trapped because there are so many. They are pieces of art. But that’s the problem, I got lost looking at so many pieces of art, I forgot about my sun. The one star, one piece of art, that actually lifted me up. That was actually floating above the ground. Maybe someday I will find someone that I realize sooner what they are, I didn’t with you, and I should've.

I remember walking around the neighborhood at night, seeing each other in the other's eyes, always locked on to them. It didn’t matter what was happening around us, someone could’ve crashed a car right in front of me and I wouldn’t have been able to unlock my gaze. I remember going over songs we were going to sing for church, you always had better taste in music, at least you did. I remember going to the movies for some church thing, or reward of some kind, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. I was locked. There was no one else around, nothing competing for my gaze, nothing leading me away. I lost that gaze. I remember Christmas eve, where we talked until it was Christmas day, sitting there across the hallway from you was one of the best days of my life. I didn’t know it then, but I felt it. I remember it all. Sometimes I wish I didn’t.

You might think this is too cheesy, too romantic, and it probably is, but I’m spilling my feelings out, and even though we’ve lost those feelings, the remnants of them still reverberate throughout my soul. They still appear in the worst moments, the wrong places, and the dreams I wish I didn’t have. You were there for a long time, it's difficult to move on from that. But I remember it all, and I hope you do too. It’s hard, it was hard, and that is what I feel now, still looking up at the stars, seeing the pieces of art, floating above the ground,

With Love,

Him