365

On the seventeenth, the yellow hues lost sense

I waited by the curb and prayed for a change

But, despite my stubbornness, I realized what it was

And fate was a master at surprising.

On the eighteenth, I knew the clock was ticking

And I could hold on to the seconds and minutes,

But the years it’d take me to heal,

They wouldn’t go by quicker.

The nineteenth I refused to believe it.

Stuck in a wonderland of denial, I pretended I’d see you that day

Told myself it was just me rejecting the pain

But in reality, it was my mindset.

The twentieth was the hardest, at least that week

I got the urge to meet you, realized we could no longer speak

A clean break is always best, or so they said

But I couldn’t bring myself to walk away.

The twenty-first was slower

It crept up to me by late mid-day

And once it was there, I welcomed it

And broke down wearing your sweater

Twenty-second was when I found songs

To relate to what we’d been through

Poetry became my best friend

And I couldn’t catch a wink of sleep

Twenty-three marked a week

But my scars still felt like new

I could still breathe but everything was stuck in slow motion

And I couldn’t stage my escape.

The twenty-fourth made me realize you had a specific scent

And a tune to your soft voice

It made me realize pain isn’t as loud

And sometimes it doesn’t bother to be heard.

The twenty-fifth wasn’t the hardest

But I thought I saw you on the street

It took me a second to call myself stupid

Because I knew you wouldn’t come back to me.

On the twenty-sixth, I learn to have patience

Only after I shattered my mirror

And together with all my scars and wrinkles

I tried to let you go

Midnight the twenty-seventh

I realized it was an impossible chore

You cannot let go of something so strong

And I knew that was our case.

Late the twenty-eighth, I gathered with some friends

But I always felt empty

The air wasn’t cold, but not being home

It made me miss your warmth.

The twenty nine approached the new decade,

But I was still stuck in the past

And busses and taxis passed by me

But I never could move an inch

The thirty, the air finally turned crisp

And I used that as a pretext not to look out for you in the street

I stayed home in a cheap sweater and told myself it’d get better

But it never did

By the three hundred sixty fifth hour, I had had an entire year of longing

Of missing and losing, of finding and loving

The hours passing didn’t make it easier, nor was it worth it

But those hours were a taste of the life I had ahead.

****

i wrote this out of the prompt 365 (hours) and it is about losing someone and the repercussions in your feelings. i feel really strongly to this one, and i think its rather nice. ALSO TAYLOR IS DROPPING AN ALBUM TONIGHT. I might make some prompts about that, but for now, thank you for reading :)

-mel