caramel secrets

Trigger Warning: Sensitive Topics Mentioned

-2 cups white sugar

they didn't expect much. they never did. they learned from an early age that they must swallow the word no with pride, no matter how hard it cut down the esophagus. no, they cannot walk at night with their hood up. no, they cannot join us. no, they are not the same. no, they do not belong. and when they read history books, it was as if they could feel their ancestors in that sugarcane plantation. and they would trace the names stained in ink, scrawling them across their mind, remembering each one. and it was as if they could feel the names dissolve into sugar against their palms. and for once someone told them yes, you deserve the world.

-1 cup packed brown sugar

and they would coo to her with sugar's and honey's, each word dripping with desires and unholy things. and when you've been berated with words coated in sugar, you no longer can tell whether those sweet things are truly sweet or mistaken salt. and she chose the latter; holding herself tight in the middle of nightmares, glancing behind her back every chance she gets, clenching fists inside of jean pockets. she closed herself from everyone. no longer does she mistake salt for sugar.

-1 cup corn syrup

and he would douse his tears in syrupy delight. taking two shots of happiness before bed. the prescription said to take one a day, but gosh how his eyes would spill waterfalls and his head would scream. he just wanted it to stop, he just wanted everything to be quiet. and if one shot can work, then two would make the screams stop two times more, right?

-1 cup evaporated milk

and it hurts fae to know that fae doesn't exist. fae was never a he or a her or a them, fae was just a fae. but they tell faer that it isn't real, that fae isn't real. and it hurts faer to be erased, it hurts faer to know that fae does not fit in the box that confines society. fae is fae, and why can't they just let faer be?

-1 pint heavy whipping cream

and zie watches the stars set in milky bliss, dreaming of long ago fantasies and beginnings of endings. zie counts the stars upon zir fingertips, grasping at cassiopeia and the big dipper and orion. and perhaps if zie wished hard enough, zie would be up in the night skies, dancing alongside the stars. but for now, zie is content lying on the grass feeling the breeze sweep over zim, and humming the tune of the stars. and oh, how zie could dream.

-1 cup butter

and gosh does e look beautiful soaked in the rays of a rising sun. e soaks up oranges and yellows and bits of stardust along eir being and e is beautiful. oh how e is beautiful. but what no one sees is e hiding the bruises dusting eir skin. e pulls down eir sleeves a little lower, hiding purple wrists as dark as the night sky. e smiles when with friends, but when e is at home, e cries and burrows eirself in the corner of eir closet. and when e is smiling in the sun, e is sobbing in the moonlight.

-1 1/4 teaspoons vanilla extract

and listen, do you hear that? do you hear the beat of your heart pounding in your chest? dear, you are alive.

Step 1: Grease a 12x15 inch pan.

and slather the truths you hear with lies, because you are human. and humans like to be in control. so pretend to control the one thing that you have no control over, pretend you are in power if that helps to soothe your fragile ego. and perhaps when you're looking Death straight in the eye, you will be able to say that you are in control.

Step 2: In a medium-size pot, combine sugar, brown sugar, corn syrup, evaporated milk, whipping cream, and butter. Monitor the heat of the mixture with a candy thermometer while stirring. When the thermometer reaches 250 degrees F (120 degrees C) remove the pot from the heat.

and when you combine their, her, his, faer, zis, and eir stories, you find yourself knowing only a sliver of a fraction of the world. and you find yourself turning blind eyes to the stories that sing to you in the crevices of reality. tell me, what will you do now?

Step 3: Stir in vanilla. Transfer mixture to the prepared pan and let the mixture cool completely. When cooled cut the Carmel into small squares and wrap them in wax paper for storage.

and dear, i do not know you, and you do not know me. but i know your heart beats on the other side, i know we stare upon the same stars at night. dear, we are alive.

Enjoy!