A Small Rant To Myself but I Suppose to others Too
Sometimes I wonder what happened to me. Why am I like this? I mean, everyone asks what my favorite childhood memories were, but... I don't remember having one. That's not to say it wasn't fun at all, but there was so much loss and heartache when I was younger that it was so hard to look at those bright times. People claim I'm an old soul, but I don't think that's true. I rather think that my soul just hid itself away so not to get hurt, but every time it begins to get comfortable, something else happens. So, I'm not an old soul. I'm just a young soul that's hidden in grief. Looking differently at life because of what it's seen. I tell you that I used to smile truly, but now my soul can't bear to find hope, for everything around me is gloomy.
And it's gotten better. It certainly has. But, sometimes you realize that you're treading water. Stuck in these minecraft cobwebs. Slowly sinking back down. It's a miserable journey.
And then that special person coaxed something real out of me. I was terrified of it at first. How could someone do that when I couldn't even do it myself? But I felt so... safe with them. Yes, past tense. Felt.
I miss it. Those arms wrapping around me and holding me safe and sound. But I'm not the only one life decided to break. So then they were gone, and I was left worse off than I was.
So, truth is, I'm not okay, but I will be. I truly believe that.
_________
Simple footnotes:
Yeah, It's Christmas Eve and I'm not feeling too great mentally. You think you're getting out of your head, but next thing you know you're sinking into those awful feeling again *shrugs* Relateable?