Teenage Fever

08/31/20

My life fell apart the week before the world shut down. The pandemic was more of an afterthought to me.

I spent all of sophomore year hooked on the thought that next year I would be hundreds of miles away from here. In hopes of finally being able to escape the less than optimal parts of my life, I wasted away at myself from the inside out convincing the very people I was trying to escape from to let me go to boarding school. My parents. The first 12 years of my life were a horrific living nightmare that I still haven't been able to completely forget. It's harder when you live with the people who made it that way. Boarding school was the only thing I thought about for 6 months. When I demanded they finally give me a straight answer, they said they weren’t going to let me go.

That was March 9th, 2020.

After my parents said no, I stopped caring. I had gotten everything I dreamed about but yet enjoyed none of it, telling myself the only path to happiness was moving out. I decided I was going to take control of my own life. This was the first domino to fall into place in the long string of events that have happened since.

I knew March 13th was the last day. They told us we would be back in three weeks but I didn’t believe it. I skipped three classes to hangout with the boy I liked. It was a calm day that I floated through slightly intoxicated. If anything, it felt unreal, yet it is still vivid even now in my memory. I remember taking one last look back before I left. I knew everything was about to change, but never did I feel uneasy. I was ready for it.

The next week, everything shut down. I spent two weeks slowly going crazy in a house full of the people I hated the very most in the entire world. It was depressing. I don’t remember much. What I do remember is the night a boy who I had never spoken to before invited me to smoke with him and his friends. I said yes, which shocks me looking back. I have always been adventurous, but that seemed especially ballsy, even for me. My friend was supposed to come with me, but the next morning an hour before I was supposed to leave, she texted me and told me she was grounded.

I went anyway, alone, to go hangout with three people I had never met before. It must have been divine intervention pushing me to go, for it was probably the best decision I have ever made in my life. We hiked through the woods for what must have been 20 minutes, crossing pipes over rushing rivers and walking through deep forest. When we finally arrived at the spot it seemed magical. There was a creek running through the center, near a campfire, a table, and wreckage from a car. A pile of old roofing lined the other side of the river. They called it the castle. The whole experience was, although slightly awkward, completely euphoric. A sense of pure rushing freedom filled the air that day. I had never felt more on top of the world. I knew everything was about to change.

I started hanging out with them probably four times a week, every week. I’m not going to pretend it was perfect, the spot became littered with trash, robbed, infested with ants, vandalized by various people who weren’t such big fans of the boys, and the dynamics between them was at times extremely toxic. We spent lots of time trash talking and sharing rumors, trying to rustle up money to fund our food and other things. Being the only girl added yet another complicated layer to the dynamics within the group. But to me it was perfect. The woods became our own little world, with spots only we knew about, hidden away from the rest of the world. It was a secret club that I had somehow stumbled into and never wanted to leave. I couldn’t have asked for anything better.

The months passed by in a neon blur.

The world started up again, and my other friends were beginning to be allowed out again. I worked two jobs, doing 50 hours a week. I could no longer spend all my days separated from everything, just me and my new friends against the world, but I always make time to come back at least once a week. It’s an escape from the outside world like no other. Paradise in a place I never thought to find it.

Those boys fundamentally changed my perspective on myself, the world, and everything else. I learned to take advantage of every opportunity that came my way. I don’t know where I would be today without them. I am beyond thankful to have them in my life. I will always remember the quarantine as one of the best times of my life. Teenage euphoria found me right when I needed it most, and I finally became everything I’ve always dreamed about. Amid a global pandemic, mass protests, and the world shutting down, I began living for myself and I can honestly say I’ve never been happier.