Joyful or happy - is there a difference? If there is, where does it lie?

I cannot remember a time in which I was ‘joyful’ - whether this is because of my ‘pessimistic’ additude, my current emotional state, or some other reason, I can’t remember for the life of me.

Joyful; feeling, expressing, or causing great pleasure and happiness.

What does it mean to feel, express, or cause great pleasure? I'm not sure I understand.

On the other hand, I can remember times in which I was happy. I remember being happy when playing on the playground in second or third grade; I remember being happy when walking with a friend out to the same playground in fourth grade, and singing along to songs in which we didn’t know the names to.

I remember sitting in my aunt’s bed, late at night, when she was asleep and I was not - reading books like it was going out of style, or I’d never see another printed word again. I remember being happy then. I remember being happy yesterday, as my uncle (the husband of my aforementioned aunt) told me goodbye. Said my name. A flicker of happiness amidst my apathetically opressed anxieties at the couple’s arrival.

I also remember being happy when talking with the clouds. I remember being happy when I looked over at my friend across the middle school auditorium before I was to stand up and speak a million bajillion words - most of which I did not know how to pronounce on my own - in front of people who’d fought valiantly for my country.

I remember being happy as I baked cookies with my best friend. I remember being happy when having Bible Study with two of my friends and discussing God’s Word with them. I remember being happy when talking or discussing various things with friends of mine on Prose, such as users @coldfront, @TeaRise (I hope you don’t mind my calling you my friend; I think of you as one - though if you would prefer, I can remove you from this list), @DaisyMae, and many others who I’d rather not call my friends without asking them first. My apologies.

I remember being happy when baking with my cousin in the kitchen of my new house. I remember being happy singing in the car with my aunt and cousins. I remember being happy when making jewelery with my great-aunt. I remember being happy when sitting quietly in a car, laughing with my family.

I remember being happy - I don’t exactly remember being joyful. But I think that these happinesses are all right, considerably better than somber regret and idly sitting within my guilt; I think happiness is enough for me. Enough for today. Joy, perhaps, will find me - or maybe I’ve been joyful this entire time and I only need to alter my perception of what it really means to be joyous. Whatever the terms and my perceptions of them, I think it’s okay if you can’t remember being joyful, so long as you find some bit of happiness within your days.

Whether it is cooking with your spouse or eating in a restraunt with friends while you make silly jokes; whether it is making memories with people, online or offline, or smelling the books in your local library; whether it is cuddling with a pet, or drawing on the city bus home, or looking out over the city lights around you, absolutely filled with peace. I hope that you can find some bit of happy amidst your lives.

Best of luck.