Honestly

Honestly?

I feel like the center of the universe, which may sound like a good thing, but it isn't. I feel like everything else is surrounding me and I am the center of it. But it's more like a tornado surrounding me instead of a thousand pretty stars.

Everyone has all these expectations of me. Hopes and dreams that they long for, and I will be the one to blame if they don't end up happening.

Everyone around me has problems and they all somehow expect me to fix them. But they don't want me to fix them any other way but their own. And if I mess up and accidentally resolve these problems some other way, then I will be blamed and they will have even more problems.

I don't know how I became the center. I certainly never asked for it. But I am always the person others rely on for advice and I am a peacemaker, so I guess it was always going to end up being this way. Everyone else relying on me and me having no one left to rely on myself.

But honestly? It's okay. Even if I feel like a huge weight is resting on my shoulders, even if I feel like the small eye of a huge tornado, I'm okay.

Why? Because even if it's hard, I know no one else will do it. No one else will volunteer to take on everyone else's problems, so that leaves me. And if this is all it takes to help the people around me, to give them someone to rely on, even if it is unbalanced and shaky help, I am okay with that.

I may not be able to rely on them, and it may not be a comfortable way to live, but I am hoping those people will feel loved and eventually realize that I need help too. So, even if it is hard, I will continue being the center of this universe or tornado.

And honestly, it is making me stronger.