Childish Expeditions to the Basement

We sat in the shadows together

and I couldn't understand their fear

so I curled my knees to my chest and thought

I was different, separate from everyone

and it felt a little bit nice

to be alone

in the dark

with their quick breaths and

squeals of delighted fright.

And I would stay there after they had all

gone, too shaken by the terror

they egged on in each other's

stomachs like cake they

had eaten too much of together,

giggling with the thrill of it as they ran

back up the stairs, into the

jittery electric lights.

And I would stay there, a while.

Until some adult came and

turned on the light, as if

I would have wanted that, thinking

I was sad, maybe, or didn't

want to be alone anymore

(why did adults never seem to understand?)

and the light was always so

bright and terrible

like it was laughing at my

tired, weak eyes

and I would close them tight but

it would still leak in

and when I rejoined the others

playing in the brightly lit

space that others filled

I felt

even more alone

and it didn't feel so good

anymore.

Until I slipped my way back in

to the world of the living and

took my place as the bossy one,

as my eyes forgot how nice the

darkness was.