Prometheus (An Ancient’s Rant on Modern Human)
*The voice in my head when reading this is John C McGinley, Dr. Cox from the TV show Scrubs, but please imagine your own*
If you don’t know then you’re probably wondering how I got here. Chained to this thing *kicks boulder*. I know it looks bad now, but I didn’t always live like this... If you do know, then you’ve probably heard my story thousands of times. Oh that thief, Prometheus. You know the eagle, the liver, the yada yada yada. I’m no thief and I’m definitely not a criminal. The only thing I’m guilty of is having too much faith in humanity.
Now, if you’d have told me that the same group of beings that I first gave fire to would’ve, some 3000 years later, evolved into what they are today, then I would’ve stopped my “crime” faster than Zeus decides to sleep with a human woman. I mean jeez, these humans today aren’t the same humans that I “commandeered” fire for. The humans that I knew!.. were magnificent, they lusted for life, they were eager to embrace one another in their lowest moments, they were what us Gods, Titans, demigods - I’m sure you understand where this list is going - us super-humans desired to be. They were egoless, driven by passion, and fueled by compassion. I mean it’s honestly gotten so bad down there that they have a human disorder, one that plagues millions of them mind you, named after Narcissus and he was the worst of us.
In hindsight, the fire thing may have been a mistake for both Humanity and I. Frankly, I’m not sure where they went wrong or how they arrived at the point that they are today, but I can assure you I would have never.... ever in a million livers, shared that hot stuff with them had I known that eventually they would spend the majority of their days ceaselessly watching internet porn, eating fast-food, creating “tik-toks”, and working pointless jobs... I mean seriously what the fuck is a sales consultant?! No offense.
I remember, at one point, they could actually paint - Yes, paint! As in with their own hands - an entire natural landscape, detail for detail. It would take one’s breath away and was unquestionably worth the whole daily liver being devoured thing!.. And, the best part of the whole painting thing was that sometimes, just sometimes, the painting was better than the actual site.
Like, uhh... look here, try this on for size, just imagine you’re chatting with your good friend and they go:
“Oh, I’ve never seen the River Styx.”
In response you’d say and mean:
“No need to visit, the humans have it painted, both landscape and portrait! And, somehow, they’ve captured that dismal bridge into the afterlife and turned it into something visually stunning, I mean something worth dying in earnest to see.”
Now don’t get me wrong those types of individuals still exist amongst them, but the vast majority of humans today are too busy beating their dicks - literally and figuratively - to notice such wonders.
*waves hand apologetically*
I apologize, you’ll have to excuse my whole diatribe. When I get started on the humans I have a tendency to spiral, negatively... as you’ve witnessed. Honestly, can one even spiral positively?.. Anyhow, not all that they’ve created is awful. Their medicine... incredible. How fast they spread information... mind blowing. And all those mechanical devices they’ve created in the past 200 years... some of those have even impressed the big guy.
*Sighs Deeply*
Heck I don’t... yeah I don’t know. I think... I think that... they’ve just lost their spark you know? They just aren’t as deeply connected as they once were. They don’t have... they don’t have what I envied about them when I stole that damned fire for them.
Anyway, the eagle or vulture?... the thing could be a bat for fuck’s sake... The enormous avian-like creature is coming in for his daily “mcDouble”, a.k.a. my liver, and it looks like he’s brought a dinner date, so I’ll wrap this up. If I had to do it all over again...I WOULD. Undoubtedly and without hesitation. I know, I know.... trust me I know what I said before! And you probably weren’t expecting this now, especially not after all that bullshit I just spewed. However, I would... I would do it again and this time I’d do my damned best to make sure they turned out less like us “Gods”.