Dear Mom
Dear Mom, I know,
That I’m not the perfect child you’ve always wanted.
Dear Mom, I know,
That I can never be half as good as you.
Dear Mom, I know,
That I am often the embodiment of disappointment.
Dear Mom, I know,
That I am not able to fulfil most of the wishes that you have.
Dear Mom, I know,
That I don't really have all the good traits you wanted to inculcate in me.
Dear Mom, I know,
That you still want to love me despite all my faults.
But
Dear Mom,
Why can’t you ever understand how I feel?
Why can't you ever understand what I want?
Why can't you ever understand who I am?
Why do you never really listen to me?
Dear Mom, I know,
That you just hear what I have to say,
But you never actually stop and listen to me.
I might go to the hilltops
And scream out to you
Into a loudspeaker,
But you still will pay no attention
To my bleeding words.
Dear Mom, you know,
I really try sometimes,
To bare my heart out to you;
Because I’m not the kind of person
To sit and share sob stories around a bonfire.
But you never try to feel me,
Never try to see it from my perspective,
Always blame someone or something
To have influenced me.
Dear Mom, you know,
What I do,
How I think,
What is going on in my head,
Is not always influenced by people in my surroundings.
Maybe it’s just me, Mom,
Maybe it’s me in here,
Thinking in a new way;
In a way I’ve never thought before.
Have you ever thought of that?
Have you ever thought
“My daughter has a mind of her own”?
Because
Dear Mom, I know
I’m not the easiest person to deal with,
But have you ever stopped and tried to listen
To what I have to say?
Dear Mom, I know
I have failed
In certain aspects in my life
And changed my mind many a times
Along the journey.
But have you ever thought in this way?
That it’s not because of fear
That I’m backing out of here
But because I don’t want it anymore?
Because
Dear Mom, I know
It’s a big scary world out there
And I always thought I knew what I wanted
But
Dear Mom,
Now that I’ve grown up a little,
Maybe it's not the same anymore,
Maybe it’s not what I want anymore.
Dear Mom, I know,
That I hide things from you
But it’s not because I don’t want to tell you.
But because you would never see eye to eye with me.
Dear Mom, I know,
I am not the easiest person to read
But you claim you know me,
That you know, each and every aspect of me.
But can you ever see through me
When I’m at my worst?
Or holding back tears from in front of everyone?
Or when my lips are quivering from anger
But I cannot speak out loud?
Or when I am tired of everything
And just need a small break?
Or when my mind is screaming and bawling
But my mouth remains closed?
Or when I am smiling through my tears?
Or when I am truly happy with what I am doing?
Or when I'm really at my best?
Dear Mom, I know,
That when I ask you this question,
Your natural instinct would be to say yes;
But
Dear Mom,
If you did really question yourself
And answered it honestly,
I know your answer will not be the same.
Because, Mom, you never try to stop and listen to me.
Dear Mom, I know,
That you might know me
But you really don’t know anything about me.
Yes, we might speak the same language
But our words are so lost in interpretation.
But
Dear Mom, I also know,
If you ever closed your eyes and
Tried to hear what I hear,
Tried to see what I see,
Tried to feel what I feel,
You would understand me a little better then;
Understand what I want,
Understand how I feel,
Understand who I really am.
Because
Dear Mom, you know,
I’m just a simple 19 year old girl,
With a little hope in her heart,
And a few dreams in her head.