I Never Want to Fall in Love

It is Valentine's Day,

a day of love.

Yet,

all I feel is pain.

A child would be grateful, full of love, respect a parent,

who has done all they can,

but my father is not that.

He says he doesn't demand those things,

but he does.

Reminds me everytime we fight,

I should give him those things,

but I can't.

I can't respect an abuser.

I still remember,

four years old I saw the bruises on my mother's skin,

who would then sit in front of the t.v in la-la land.

The physical and mental abuse nearly broke her,

left my siblings and I in neglect for a time.

Yes,

my father has given me a roof over my head,

food on the table.

Says he works hours and hours a day,

for us, only us.

I know he doesn't.

It's money he craves.

He took his rage from the job back home.

He couldn't accomodate for a child with ADHD,

used every excuse to hit me for every involuntary movement.

He always asks me why I'm not the sweet child I used to be...

well, she's dead now.

Screamed in my face saying why all my siblings and I ended up the same,

ungrateful slobs and parasites.

Well, I am a scientist irl,

there is three of us, and if you put us as an example of an experiment,

the results say it all.

Three times and the same result is no coincidence,

but a narcissist will never say it's their fault.