the life line.

There is a line to life I am scared I am bounding over. It's the line between demanding respect and being a complete asshole. As a female, I get some sense of pride, whether it was trained in me or not, when I prove a man wrong or tell him no. But, sometimes I think I'm over doing it. If equality is the name of the game, then why do I enjoy treating men worse than women?

The answer to this is simple; or at least the justification for my brutish behavior is. The men I like defying are all brutish, cocky ones. I wouldn't want to yell at a small and quiet teenage boy walking in the halls of my school if he accidentally tripped me, for example. But, if a big, self-righteous one tripped me, I would assume it was on purpose, and a handful of cusses would be spat in his face. Especially if he was smirking. For fucks sake, I HATE smirking.

So, when I'm in the wrong in a situation with someone I feel kindly about, but they happen to be a big, argumentative beast of a man, I am wayyy less likely to realize that whatever happened is my fault, and wayyyy more likely to raise my voice and get angry, and tell myself that I'm being "self-respecting and self-empowering." Especially when they argue back or start off the conversation in a derogatory way.

I'm trying to train my brain out of this habit of saying "fuck you" to every Chad that tells me I'm a bitch, even if said Chad had good reason to say so. Maybe this is a problem a lot of women have, or maybe I'm just alone with this one, but I thought it might be helpful to put out their to see if anyone can internally relate.