Coping Mechanisms
This does mention Depression and Anxiety. May be linked to Dysphoria? I don't know I'm trying to figure myself out. Other than that, have fun.
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I write music. Like, feverently listening to the greats of the genre, and cramming on music theory that relates. Maybe it's a waste of paper, but I don't know. It's fun. When depression takes over, it's just kind of, there. When my depression takes hold of me, it's easier to write. It's hard to play, but I can viusalise, and hear in my head what I want it to sound like. It's just, easy, I guess.
A flat major, 160, 4/4. Arpeggios, and scales. Fingers gliding across the keys, blissful melodies, and harmonies, to match. A musical mask, to alleviate a burning sadness caught in my throat. G#, B#, D#, F#, G#^7 I. Moonlight Sonata.
Power chords Laced with elegance. This can't be captured through distortion, can it?
Scratching pencils to paper. Runs that would normally be impossible are written and played to perfection. I can't play them. Tears cloud my vision. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. AGAIN. STOP FUCKING THIS UP.
That's better. B#, G, B#, (D, F, G run), D. B# dominant seventh, first inversion. B#^7 I. Running through the chord, moving to the next chord. Blood, sweat and tears, soaking into my covering. This can't be touched by fluids, don't let it get touched it's fine, good.
Pure panic, an idea. Write it down G major. It's stupid. Scratch it off. Rewrite it. That sounds good on guitar. Improvise. Try vocals, realise that you are an instrumentalist for a reason. D minor. Fuck.
This doesn't work. Consumed by emotion, write more. Sleep on it, and decide I like it. I add brass to it. Write more to it, and have a fully established piece. next day you hate it and scrap everything about it, and all of the papers you wrote about it get shredded and recycled.
Regret it. Try and rewrite it and hate the newer version. Rinse and repeat.
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Fuck, I love writing music. Emotions just fuel my anxiety, and that fuels my need to write music. So that's that. Time to write some more, 23:10, let's goooo
Take care,
Winter.