channel 47 news

you so badly wanted

to destroy that body they found

dead in the lake. the ache with which you

looked upon that salt-swollen thing, knowing later

you would dream of bleeding knives as the television sang on

about its parents. the crosshatches etched into its stomach,

one for each time you stared up at the ceiling and apologized

to god. hollow little apologetic girl. you didn’t mean the nice things you said.

you wanted him to watch. wanted him to look on as you made a mess of purity.

saying, i could do it to myself if i wanted to. i could take this life of mine and swallow it whole and spit it out seething and bruised. i could ruin anything i wanted to.

if my hands were daggers. if this life were a body for me to tear apart. i would do it.

sorry baby, they cleaned her body and put makeup on her face. the cracks in the ceiling

thought nothing of the forgiveness you begged for in your sleep.