A Forgotten Circle of Hell: The Oscars

The films starts with a young eager looking Leonardo DiCaprio. He throws the covers off him and emerges from bed in a suit and tie. He drinks a cup of orange juice and thanks God he is alive. He goes to the Oscars and smiles at everyone, even his competitors. When his name is called in the nomination, he tells himself he doesn’t expect to win. When the award goes to a 200 year old wizard called Gene Hackman, he tells himself it’s okay and goes to bed happy. He wakes up a little bit older, his hair longer. He emerges in a suit and tie, a little rumpled. He gulps down coffee, black, and goes to the Oscars, nods at everyone, even his competitors. When the nominations are called and the award goes to Keanu Reeves, he breaks into a violent coughing fit but otherwise retains composure. He goes to bed, tossing and turning, and jumps up the next day in his suit but forgets the tie. He slips a shot of vodka in his glass of OJ and two in his cup of coffee. He takes his seat in the Oscars and doesn’t talk to anybody. When his name is called in the nominations for Best Actor and Meryl Streep wins, he kicks a chair over and cuts out. He wakes up the next morning, pours a little bit of orange juice into his vodka, skips the coffee altogether, and goes to the Oscars. His eyes are closed when his name is announced as a nomination and the award goes to Donald Trump for Best Actor in a Documentary that Disguises itself as Reality. Leonardo takes the flask from out of his pocket and downs the whole thing in one quick gulp, using his suit jacket to wipe up the dribble. The next morning, his orange juice goes untouched; his suit lays in a pile on the floor. And when his name is called at the Oscars, he's still in bed sound asleep. When he wins, everyone applauses, even his competitors. Somebody gets up to accept the award on his behalf, wondering why he didn’t think to show up.