those voices I hear in my head
those voices in my head keep telling me what to do and who to be,
they say, "no one wants you, what a fake and fearful heap of messed up dreams"
I push them back, trying to forget,
I don't want to hear/ I don't want to listen to their hatred
but the voices get louder/ louder/ louder
and they shatter my ability to think,
pieces of my intellect lie in fragments on the tired ground
I have lost it / I am lost
and if someone comes back for me, it is because
a tempest has begun within their mind.
it will tear them apart until they cannot breathe because of guilt but
slowly the storm will end, the winds will fade into calm
and they will turn and walk away without me /I am forgotten
but am I brave enough to calm the storm?
I'm like a dam waiting to burst open,
carrying my problems, seeping /seeping
from my head to my shoulders,
to my waist, to my toes,
dripping into the earth,
creating that inevitable entropy.
what if I'm not a light, not a torch to burn away the shadows
but a cloud, darkness drawn to me like moth to flame?
each day, the rain feels heavier,
I have fallen into a whirlpool that will never let me go/ I want to be free
I'm too ashamed to pull myself from the thick darkness,
no one wants me back above the waves, so
as the numbness takes over,
should I stop fighting back?
why should I care what happens to me
when I am nothing but a weakness
an imperfection/ a flaw
I owe it to the people around me
to blame myself for the mistakes of our generation.
I owe it to the memories
to become as perfect as allowed, as pristine as possible.
but it feels so wrong,
when the night comes and never ends;
when I stay still and don't attempt
to steal the moon and stars for light / have I given up?
why do I feel guilt crashing down on me?
I'm trying too hard
and giving up at the same time.
those voices in my head keep telling me what to do and who to be,
the night has come, the storm begun,
but I'll turn and walk out of the rain, I'll steal the moon and
I won't listen to those voices, I won't be phased by their fake and fearful
messed up dreams.