those voices I hear in my head

those voices in my head keep telling me what to do and who to be, 

they say, "no one wants you, what a fake and fearful heap of messed up dreams"

I push them back, trying to forget, 

I don't want to hear/ I don't want to listen to their hatred

but the voices get louder/ louder/ louder

and they shatter my ability to think, 

pieces of my intellect lie in fragments on the tired ground

I have lost it / I am lost

and if someone comes back for me, it is because

a tempest has begun within their mind. 

it will tear them apart until they cannot breathe because of guilt but

slowly the storm will end, the winds will fade into calm 

and they will turn and walk away without me /I am forgotten

but am I brave enough to calm the storm?

I'm like a dam waiting to burst open, 

carrying my problems, seeping /seeping

from my head to my shoulders, 

to my waist, to my toes, 

dripping into the earth, 

creating that inevitable entropy. 

what if I'm not a light, not a torch to burn away the shadows

but a cloud, darkness drawn to me like moth to flame?

each day, the rain feels heavier, 

I have fallen into a whirlpool that will never let me go/ I want to be free

I'm too ashamed to pull myself from the thick darkness, 

no one wants me back above the waves, so

as the numbness takes over, 

should I stop fighting back? 

why should I care what happens to me

when I am nothing but a weakness

an imperfection/ a flaw

I owe it to the people around me

to blame myself for the mistakes of our generation. 

I owe it to the memories

to become as perfect as allowed, as pristine as possible. 

but it feels so wrong,

when the night comes and never ends;

when I stay still and don't attempt

to steal the moon and stars for light / have I given up? 

why do I feel guilt crashing down on me?

I'm trying too hard

and giving up at the same time. 

those voices in my head keep telling me what to do and who to be, 

the night has come, the storm begun, 

but I'll turn and walk out of the rain, I'll steal the moon and 

I won't listen to those voices, I won't be phased by their fake and fearful

messed up dreams.