Please: an open letter to the vaccine

Please tell me, why do I feel the need to spread my guts all over the internet? Why can’t the orange and yellow pills I take make me sedated enough to shut up? Is that blasphemy? I’m sorry if it is. Here goes the story, please listen.

I got my covid vaccine yesterday (is this too personal, I don’t know), and I’m completely and utterly destroyed. I have a fever of 102 degrees, I’m sweating like I’ve just run a mile in under five minutes (which is impossible, right?) and besides sweating like a pig, I also have chills. This poses a problem as I was supposed to get drinks with a friend tonight (margaritas, no less!) and that had to be cancelled because of, well, I suppose, my disease.

My friend (different one) told me that this means I have a strong immune system. Excuse me? One that’s burning me alive? Yeah, okay. I’m about as ready to get up and out of bed as I am to take the LSATs.

Please tell me what this is (God, or anyone who’s read this far)? I don’t know how science works. They put a shot in my arm and at least I’m pretty sure it’s not a government chip. So it goes.

This is where you tell me, this is the internet, we’re not doctors, we’re writers. I know! And I shouldn’t be saying this. But for some reason, even though I can’t really sit up, I’ve managed to open my laptop and write something. Are there going to be typos? Of course, sis! It’s my writing and my disease and I’ll do it how I want to.

And then there’s the predicament of my next vaccine. If the first one is this bad, am I to expect an early grave? I told my friend (different than the aforementioned two), I’m going to die with the second dose! But, we must prevail for science. As I sit here writing this, I wonder if this is what it is like to burn in hell. It’s that bad!

I started reading a book this afternoon... wait, this isn’t a diary! Anyway, that’s my question. Please tell me what this is, and my need to say something. Is it a “strong” immune system? The devil? Mental illness (definitely that)?

But we’re writers, not scientists, unless someone is (or a doctor), in which case, I’m really surprised you’ve read this far! Congratulations to myself, I’m useless and tired.