Rudsey

No one stole the sacred parking spot of the legendary Rudsey Paul. The man shook his fist with five rings that gleamed against the streetlight.

“Aww, come on!” He grumbled.

As the sky melted into a deep orange, the shiny texture of his black leather jacket, slightly reflected its tint. He continued to cuss and mutter to himself as a red convertible parallel parked in front of him, putting the right curb to maximum capacity.

“They had to be right in front of me!” he muttered

“Right in front of me!”

It was no use, he’d have to go down a block and walk back up to the spot. In the passenger seat, a small creature wriggled inside what looked like a fancy meshed handbag meant for small dogs. The creature stuck out his small grey nose and sniffed at Rudsey.

“Looks like we’ll need to walk a ways lil bud.” said Rudsey.

He put his foot on the gas and slowly drove up the road. His dark blue Jaguar reflected the harsh whites of the streetlights that gracefully slid off its slim body. What was left of the setting sun glowed across the windshield. Rudsey had to drive two blocks before finding another spot. He disgruntledly parked his car at another curb strewn with paper bags and cigarettes that flowed into the storm drain. As he unzipped the bag from the passenger seat, a set of curious beady eyes stared up at him. Rudsey grabbed the mid-sized porcupine and placed him on his shoulder.

The creature sniffed around at his new surroundings as Rudsey exited the car, locked it, and put his keys in the pocket of his expensive leather pants. Heavy evening humidity wafted against him the second he left the air conditioning of his Jaguar. Rudsey reopened the door and threw his leather jacket in the backseat, relocking his car again. Underneath, Rudsey wore a vintage Aerosmith shirt tucked into his pants, its smooth red lettering as vibrant as it was in its prime years.

“Let’s hope I don’t get hounded by a bunch of idiots again, isn’t that right Rudsey Jr?”

Rudsey Jr turned his head to his owner’s voice, attempting to climb his hair, which was a curly brown cascading to his shoulders. Despite his aging, Rudsey’s hair remained thick, thick enough for a teenage porcupine to burrow within it.

“Now don’t get too carried away there fella?” joked Rudsey.

“I have enough piercings as it is, if you know what I mean?”

Rudsey carefully unravelled Rudsey Jr out of his hair, revealing the multiple silver studs dangling from his ear. Rudsey Jr’s long quills lightly brushed against Rudsey’s neck as the small creature squirmed in his hands.

“Now calm down, we have a ways to go.”

Rudsey’s pupils dilated as he stared down at the pet in his hands. The acid was definitely kicking in. Rudsey Jr morphed into a spikey neon yellow ball in his hands, looking like a stolen comet as he continued to squirm.

“Wow, Rudso, your lookin bright enough to light a back porch tonight.”

Rudsey Jr crawled up Rudsey’s arm and hugged his shoulder.

“Alright, have it your way.” said Rudsey.

“But don’t come complaining to me when you get lost in your own hair house.”

Rudsey walked down the beer soaked sidewalk. Images of Rudsey Jr drinking tea out of a hair teacup while sitting in a hair chair in a hair kitchen invaded his mind. Rudsey Jr would go to the hair fridge and take out hair noodles that he put in the hair microwave. He’d then take a hair fork with his tiny paws and shovel the hair noodles into his mouth that were made of...hair.

The filamentous illusions dissipated as Rudsey’s eyes averted to the sidewalk. Golden stars appeared beneath his cowboy boots. Beneath them was black space. He hopped across them like stepping stones, making sure he didn’t misstep into the abyss. This continued until he reached the other block.

“Almost there Jr. Just a few more jumps.”

A few confused onlookers watched Rudsey as he cautiously crouched down in the middle of each Hollywood star before making a leap to the other one. His game of hopscotch ended once he reached a club, which, to his relief, wasn’t packed to the outside.

Underneath his feet was the last star he’d jumped to. The black space solidified to pavement. He sighed in relief and went a few paces back so that he now faced the star. Rudsey Jr continued to cling to his hair, staring blankly at the ground.

“You see that Rudsey? That’s you! That’s your name!”

Rudsey took Rudsey Jr off his shoulder, placing him in the middle of the star which read Rudsey Paul in thick gold letters. Like the rest of the sidewalk, grime and small bits of litter caked the star. Rudsey Jr found a piece of paper straw wrapping and pushed it around with his nose. Even in this high state, Rudsey’s nose crinkled to the stench of old trash wafting from the ground.

The rank conjured up unpleasant images of the stale and moldy hamburger buns he’d removed from his pantry the day prior. That mold was now climbing up his boots, turning them a sick light green.

“Argh get off... Stupid mold!”

Rudsey scraped his boots against the sidewalk. A voice came beside him.

“Giving prickly fido his daily afternoon stroll?” it said.

Rudsey turned his head towards the club. Sitting in the darkness against the wall was a homeless man, likely about the same age as Rudsey. The man slumped against a stuffed hikers backpack and had a blue felt blanket spread out beneath him. As Rudsey evaluated him closer, he noticed the backpack was slightly open at the top. Rudsey Jr faced the man, giving him a few sniffs from afar.

“Yep, just giving him some air.” said Rudsey.

“You could’ve done better than the walk of fame. It’s pretty rank out here these days,” said the man.

Rudsey got to his knees and stroked Rudsey Jr.

“I usually take him out to the backyard. I’ve got a big house. He’s such a trouble maker though. For whatever reason, he makes it a mission to get lost in my zen garden and will practically try to take a swim in my pool when I attempt to usher him back to the house,” said Rudsey.

The man stared at Rudsey inquisitively, making Rudsey a little uncomfortable, but he continued speaking.

“Try to imagine this guy tottering around a diving board, about to jump to his doom like a lemming before I come up behind him, guiding him back to solid ground with a handful of lettuce. That bugger always runs off the second my eyes are off of him.”

“So what brings you here?” asked the man.

Rudsey pointed to the star, scanning his finger over the letters.

“I had to show him my landmark.” said Rudsey

He took his hand and wiped off some of the trash from the star. The man continued to look up at Rudsey with a face of slight mischief, as if he was in on some joke.

“Ah, I see. Showing him the mark of the great shredder Rudsey Paul.” he said.

The man averted his eyes towards the porcupine.

“What a shame it is that the little guy doesn’t realize he’s a foot away from a rock god.”

Rudsey beamed and held some lettuce out to Rudsey Jr that he’d taken from his pocket, trying to distract himself from the homeless man’s strange tone. For a few seconds, he puzzled in his acid-addled brain if the last line he’d said was sarcastic. Rudsey was quick to brush it off and continued with his babbling.

“You wouldn’t believe where I got this guy,” he said.

“I have a manager who once worked as a breeder for exotic pets and he hooked me up with a porcupine.”

The porcupine started transforming again into a glowing, spiked orb as it trotted around. Rudsey paused, remaining transfixed with the rotating spiked mass a few seconds before he started speaking again.

“And I tell you, this guy had literally everything dude. And I mean everything: bengal tigers, lions, Burmese pythons, crocodiles, porcupines, you name it.”

“Surprised you settled with the porcupine,” said the man.

Rudsey chuckled and picked up Rudsey Jr in his hands. The creature continued to glow and morph as a flexible, spiked blob.

“Oh, I was thinking about getting a croc, but I’m too squeamish about feeding something raw meat all the time. Porcupines are still cool though, they actually grow to be huge. They also turn into this weird glowing orb thing whenever I’m high. Or at least Rudsey Jr does. I think these guys have magical powers or something.”

The man lit a smoke from a lighter in his pocket, his hand shaking as he did it, trying to stifle a laugh.

“You named your pet porcupine, Rudsey Jr?” he chuckled.

“He’s not any porcupine, he’s a magic porcupine,” said Rudsey.

He jerked back as the glowing orb of Rudsey Jr expanded in size.

“I think you should have him for a minute. Looks like he’s about to explode or something,” said Rudsey.

The man turned to his backpack, pulling apart the drawstrings to create a wider opening. A few sets of eyes peeped out of the dark interior before scuttling out into the light. The eyes belonged to a dozen white rats that piled onto the sidewalk.

“If you think your pet is magic, check out these guys.” said the man.

He placed his hand on the ground in front of the rats. Within a few seconds, they formed themselves in a neat line in front of the hand. The first rat ran towards it, jumping over it. The others repeated the action, who ran back around to rejoin the end of the line. Rudsey watched on in wonderment as he pressed Rudsey Jr up to his chest. The rats reminded him of watching hurdles back in high school, running and jumping gracefully non stop.

Rudsey was now one of them, charging full speed to the next bar. As he made his leap, a giant rat came over his head, engulfing him in shadow. Enormous rats filled the entire track, who skittered past him to the finish line, their giant feet pounding against the ground.

“Does your porcupine know any tricks?” asked the man.

Rudsey snapped out from his waking dream. Rudsey Jr was still glowing in his hands and continued growing. The sight gave Rudsey sweaty palms. He slowly got to his knees and placed Rudsey Jr back on the ground and looked at the homeless man to better register his face. As he processed the prior conversation in his addled mind, something in his voice seemed familiar to Rudsey.

“No, no tricks. Unless you count profuse lettuce eating.” said Rudsey.

His waking dream rematerialized. He stood at the finish line of the track, hands on his knees. The rats had disappeared, replaced by a massive crowd on the bleachers beside him. After a few seconds of hard panting, he stood erect in his more youthful and skinny body. Two high school students in red and white tank tops with Dover High printed on them ushered him towards them. Young Rudsey, still panting, trudged to the bleachers. He got closer and froze. The student to the right was the homeless man, clean, young, and shaven. He sported a thick blond mullet and had a spiked bracelet on his left arm.

Rudsey shook his head and rubbed his eyes. The street was back, with the man leaning on his backpack. His rats crawled around Rudsey’s boots, sniffing them. They paid no mind to Rudsey Jr, who retreated behind Rudsey. The man made a clicking sound with his tongue and the rats returned to his blanket. This time he had a nearly empty roll of duct tape he held an inch above the ground. Like before, the rats lined up and jumped through the middle of the cardboard ring.

Rudsey took another close look at the man’s face. Unfortunately, the man had leaned into a shadow, making it hard to see. Could it be? Nah, just the acid.

“Have you ever had those guys race on a track?” asked Rudsey.

“Yeah I did, I had a tiny little rat football field in my Coronado beach apartment when I used to have one.”

Rudsey’s eyes brightened.

“You had an apartment in Coronado? Where?”

“Right along the beach. Would run past a few navy seals each morning before retiring to my studio,” said the man.

“Coronado! I can’t believe it. I just sold a mansion there three weeks ago. Was one of my favorites. My buddies would party there all night whenever I was off tour in the 80s. I need to know your story, man!”

The man’s smile widened, putting Rudsey more on edge.

“I’m sure it won’t interest a rockstar like you.” he said

Rudsey noted his slightly sarcastic tone. The man leaned back into the light, allowing Rudsey to take another close look at his face.

“You look familiar.” he said.

“How familiar?” said the man.

“Your name doesn’t happen to be Randy by any chance.” said Rudsey.

The man whooped and clapped his hands.

“Hey! Jackpot! You’ve won the prize. That’s me alright.” said Randy.

“Well, it’s good to see the drugs haven’t completely fried your brain after all these years.”

Rudsey Jr tottered in front of Rudsey. From his wide eyes, Rudsey could tell he was becoming increasingly stressed. Within a few minutes, he’d have to bring him to the car and away from all the city sounds.

“You were my first bass player in my band. Holy crap. I never thought I’d see you again,” said Rudsey.

Rudsey Jr pressed his prickly body against Rudsey’s leg, trying to climb to higher ground, but Rudsey ignored him.

“You had a studio in Coronado? I was thinking of leaving here before it got too dark, but I don’t know, man. I need to hear your story. What got you there and here?”

Randy’s rats had stopped there hurtling, now clustering at his feet. Randy took a handful of breadcrumbs out of his backpack that the rats gobbled frantically as he sprinkled them to the ground.

“Coronavirus brought me on some hard times, don’t really want to talk about it” said the man, looking down at his rats instead of Rudsey.

“These guys and my clothes are all I got left from the place.”

“Oh, come on, just tell me.” said Rudsey

“How did you get a house out there in the first place?”

A needle slightly dug into Rudsey’s leg. He stepped back in a yelp. Rudsey Jr had puffed out and leaned into Rudsey’s calf. The porcupine continued to glow and expand. Rudsey’s heart pounded in panic as the light overwhelmed him. He picked up Rudsey Jr and moved him aside, trying to make out his figure that was nothing but a spiked orb.

“Okay, I’m convinced this guy’s definitely going to explode.” said Rudsey.

In moving Rudsey Jr, he’d replaced his spot in the middle of the Hollywood star. His blood ran cold when the pavement dissipated into black space again. This time the rest of the stars dissolved until his own was the only one left. A golden island in a sea of black.

“Aww crap, now I’m stuck here.” he mumbled to himself.

As he stood there, looking down into the abyss, Randy stared at Rudsey’s right pocket. A bulge protruded from the leather where he had his keys. Randy picked up one of his rats and caressed it on the head. The creature pressed itself against his hand as it chewed on breadcrumbs.

The black space spread from the pavement, eating the clubs and bars until Rudsey was completely surrounded in space. Nothing but blackness remained except for Randy and his rats, who floated a few feet in front of him. Randy’s grizzled face and baggy clothes made him appear like an enlightened monk levitating in a dark void. The only thing keeping Rudsey standing was the golden star that undulated beneath him, sifting up and down, causing his stomach to churn. He picked up Rudsey Jr in fright, squinting against the light as he hugged him.

“Dammit Rudsey Jr, stop glowing, you’re really starting to freak me out.” said Rudsey.

“Well, you 're really as high as balls tonight, huh?” Randy mused.

“I’m really wacked dude, I think I’ve slipped into a black hole or something.” said Rudsey.

“Last time I tripped, I went into this alternate reality and switched brains with my cat sprinkles, who was sitting on the couch next to me. It was crazy.”

Randy gave his old friend a mischievous smile.

“Well, maybe you and your acid addled brain can travel to an alternate reality and get the answers to your questions.” joked Randy.

He looked down at his rats, and his eyes brightened. He whistled to them and they went towards Rudsey. When they reached him, they scuttled around him in a circle formation. In the dark, nothing but the star and a halo of white rats surrounded Rudsey.

“What the hell are you talking about.” said Rudsey, transfixed with the rats, keeping a tight circle in their ritualistic dance.

As the creatures continued their trick, their bodies melded into one until the entire formation became a glowing white ring.

“Aww shit, the rats are glowing too.” said Rudsey.

Randy sat there for a few seconds, silent as he looked on at Rudsey’s frightened expression contemplatively.

“I mean that we should change heads in order to understand each other.” said Randy.

Rudsey stared down at the rats with Rudsey Junior grasped between his hands.

“Nonsense, that was only a one-time thing with Sprinkles. How am I supposed to do that with you?” said Rudsey.

Randy pointed at the rats.

“You see those guys. They’re not just any rats, they’re magic rats.”

He pointed to Rudsey Jr.

“And he’s glowing too, which means he’s a magic porcupine.”

Randy got to his feet and made a wide gesture with his hands, as if he was reaching to the stars.

“Together they’ll bring you to the alternate reality. You’ll be me and I’ll be you”

Rudsey tensed.

“Hey, I never said I wanted to actually do that.” he scolded.

“It’s too late now, the spell has already begun.” said Randy

Rudsey Jr became so bright, that his entire radiance engulfed Rudsey’s body.

“Oh man! What have you done!” said Rudsey.

The rats in their tight halo expanded into another swath of light that surrounded Rudsey until he could see nothing but white.

“Ahhhh! It’s happening, help!”

A few onlookers watched in slight amusement at the paranoid man yelling in the middle of the sidewalk, holding a porcupine in front of him like a hot potato, and surrounded by rats.

Randy couldn’t stop laughing.

“You're now traveling to another dimension.” he said in a comically ominous voice.

Rudsey stood there, frozen in pure fright. Randy whistled. A rat nearest to Rudsey’s leg climbed up his pants to the pocket. Rudsey, still petrified, didn’t notice it fishing around and taking out his keys before running back down to the sidewalk towards Randy. Randy snickered as he grabbed them from the rat and hastily walked down the street in the direction that Rudsey had walked. The rats stopped their running around Rudsey and followed him, climbing up his leg and jumping into his backpack.

Rudsey remained staring blankly at the ground. His body shivered as flying colors replaced the white light. Grotesque faces of red-eyed rats snapped at his face. Rudsey Jr squirmed when Rudey hugged him tighter and fell from his arms. A whistle followed a light thud, but this time it wasn’t Randy. Seven brown quills embedded into Rudsey’s face. He gave out an ear-piercing shriek and stumbled backwards, smacking his head into the light pole behind him. Rudsey was out cold. From an onlookers perspective, nothing was out of the ordinary, just a man laying dazed, strewn out on drugs, with quills protruding from his face. Rudsey Jr darted into an alleyway and burrowed himself underneath a dumpster.

A spike of pain shot down Rudsey’s head as he slowly opened his eyes. The bright street lamp shined directly into them, causing his forehead to burn. As he rubbed his hands through his hair, a thick lump passed through his fingers near his nape. Grumbling, he slowly got to his knees and surveyed his surroundings.

The sidewalk was mostly barren except for several homeless men lying against the buildings. None of them were Randy. A pang of panic came over him as he frantically scanned the dimly lit streets. Rudsey Jr was gone. Rudsey snapped to his feet, his head throbbing mercilessly to the sudden movement.

“Rudsey Jr! Hey, where are you?”

Winding shapes obscured his vision, and the sidewalk undulated. The acid was still flowing through his synapses and toying with his injured brain. Rudsey hobbled down the sidewalk, continuing to call for Rudsey Jr. A few homeless men followed Rudsey with their gaze. A stoned man with long quills stuck to his face was a sight to behold, even considering the eccentric characters they often encountered amongst their ranks.

No one attempted to approach Rudsey, as his presence was too entertaining to interfere with. Rudsey continued down the sidewalk until he brushed his hand against his pocket.

“Ah Fuck.”

He darted back to the light pole where he fell and frantically scanned the ground. Nothing. Another wave of pain shot through his head. Rudsey groaned and looked along the street. He did so for a few minutes before walking back to the direction of where he’d parked his car. He looked to the ground, concentrating on his slow steps. The sounds they made as they hit the pavement boomed like bird cannon as his feet moved in slow motion. A loud rumble interrupted this ritualistic drumming, the rumble of his jaguar.

A set of intense lights glowed behind him, radiating the dim sidewalk and its gold stars. When Rudsey turned around, he wasn’t sure what he was seeing was reality or a trip. Pulling up next to him was his Jaguar, with Randy sitting in the driver’s seat. He was wearing Rudsey’s leather jacket, and he gave Rudsey a mischievous smile. Metal music blared from the speakers. The dozen rats sat on top of the dashboard, basking sullenly in the streetlight. Randy lifted his legs and put them against the dash, putting his hands behind his back, still smiling. He pulled down the driver’s window.

“Hey get your dirty shoes off of my car man.” said Rudsey.

“Your car? You mean my car?”

“So glad we switched places. I could ride around in this baby all night.” said Randy.

Rudsey’s blood-shot eyes widened as they scanned the leather jacket. Randy’s face slowly morphed into his own.

“Oh crap! It really happened!” said Rudsey.

Rudsey looked down at his hands, then looked at his reflection through the shiny body of the car. While he couldn’t see the fine details of his face, his haggard appearance was enough to make his stomach drop. The quills in his face made him look like a character in a slasher film.

“Jeese! Looks like Rudsey Jr really exploded,” joked Randy.

Rudsey caressed his face, wincing as his fingers contacted the embedded spines.

“Where the hell is he? Did you take him?” he asked

Randy looked behind Rudsey to the sidewalk. He leaned to the passenger seat, which had his backpack, and took out a few breadcrumbs.

“Rudsey? Ruddddseeey!” he yelled.

A rustling came from the nearest alley, and a dark round figure came trotting into the light. Rudsey Jr came bounding towards Randy’s voice, his beady eyes fixated on the crumbs in the man’s outstretched hand. Rudsey outstretched his arms towards his pet, but Rudsey Jr continued his beeline to the car. Randy opened the door and Rudsey Jr climbed inside.

“Aw come on Rudsey Jr, you 're hanging with him now?” said Rudsey

Randy took his feet off the steering wheel and bent over to give Rudsey Jr his snack. The porcupine climbed up the backpack and onto the dash to join the rats.

“Looks like Rudsey Jr wants to hang with the cool kids.” said Randy.

With that, he closed the window and sped off. Rudsey ran out onto the street in pursuit of the car. Waving his arms and yelling like a madman.

“Hey come back here. You need to bring me back. You need to bring me back!”

Any remaining homeless folk watched the scene in awe, not sure whether to laugh or gasp at the disheveled running man with quills protruding from his face.