The Child with The King’s Sword
As I get older and gain more experiences in life, I often find myself constantly needing to disconnect from everything & everyone by going into nature and just letting myself feel/heal. Crying my eyes out on a secluded beach, going into a temple and praying for hours, or laughing/smiling up at the full moon are typical behaviors for me for when I need to recharge. My dearest friends & family, I'm sure, can attest to a dual nature that's always lived in me and that has also pervaded every aspect of my life.
I can be the sweet, loving child who is super sensitive and emotional, who spreads light and love, and is constantly giving to others - or I can become the King of Swords - An emotionally distant, frigid, logical, wielder of truth who has no qualms about telling it like it is & wielding that sword with absolute resolution.
Anyone who knew me well growing up can tell you, I was and am still not the person you want to play mind games with or start a fight with - why?
No, it's not because I'll have the last word, the upper hand, or even the physical strength to tear you down, but rather - in those moments when you have really crossed me - I can become colder than the ice on Pluto and have no qualms about using the sword of truth to put you back into your place, cut off all ties that bind us, and move on without so much as a second thought - taking my light and love with me.
I don't have to play your games or fight you - I just need to cut you out & let God and the Universe deal with you.
Countless people, things, situations, and emotions have come and gone in that way - letting things go without feeling too remorseful about it was practically second nature to me (regardless of how invested I once was). Anything/Anyone that felt unhealthy, brought chaos or drama into my life, brought pain, played with my emotions or thoughts was easily recognized and removed from my presence.
Part of this came from me knowing that what is meant for me will find its/their way to me and stay, and that which doesn't pertain to me will present itself to be weeded out. The other part was me protecting a fragile heart from the countless hardships I've had to endure and grow from while I grew up - old wounds that healed but left sensitive scars.
Enduring and overcoming all that wasn't easy - by God's good graces and mercy alone was I able to survive and make it this far in life.
Sometimes, I feel like the reason I was born with this dual nature is because God knew it would be a great protection for me to have - the ability to empathize with others but see through their bullshit and cut to the heart of a problem or just cut out when necessary.
But as I get older, and life has done a complete turn around for me, I find it harder and harder to recognize that person I once was - The King of Swords is not on his throne, but rather sleeping in a secret chamber. His sword is still there, ready to wield if necessary, but in the hands of a boy it is not as swift or sure in its strike.
How is it that as a child, I was more like the King and now, as an adult, I am more like a boy?
The older I get, the more emotional, sensitive, loving, and caring I become. I'm free to love others deeply and without inhibitions. My heart swells with joy and warmth for those people around me who I have allowed into my life and who I love so much (even the ones who sometimes take more than they give)
That in turn, makes it harder to wield the sword or call upon the King to take blade in hand and deal the severing and final blow.
What do you do when your heart & mind are on parallel paths having to choose between the forks in the road that will unite them or pull them further apart?
How do you wield a sword under the force of a tidal wave?
How do you make a choice between wanting to have faith in a situation or moving on in truth and clarity?