Dysphoria

I feel lost. I'm drowning in loneliness. In anger. In depression. In anxiety. In stupid, stupid dysphoria. I don't even have to look down at my chest to know that there is something there that I can't get rid of. I wear a binder to make it go away but it doesn't do it. I'm still called "ma'am", "girl", "lady". What else do I have to do to make those words stop? I've tried everything. Nothing works. People say that words don't hurt, but they don't know what it's like to be trans and have to suffer with words that cause excruciating pain everyday. They don't know what it's like to no be excepted by society because you were born in the wrong body. No, they say they do but they don't and they never will. I want to scream at them that it's not so easy and that I'm not just overreacting, that the words they say make me question my life. I want to scream, but I can't. It's like I've lost my voice, unable to get a word out that could possibly shut down those gut-wrenching words. But I can't. I can't, I can't, I can't. And I never will. I'm hopeless. Dysphoria sucks.