Untitled from High School Days

It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, watch quietly as you walked away from me. Your figure getting lost in the faceless sea of strangers, wishing that just once you would glance back my way. The desire caught in my throat sticking there, how pathetic I must be to think that I could ever drag your attention away from the beautiful place you walked towards. I could only laugh at my pathetic self as I chocked down the tears that you would never see. You didn’t even know I had come. Didn’t once scan the crowd for me, maybe you expected me to call out for you. To tell the truth I had planned too, but seeing you smile and laugh like that to some girl I didn’t know tied my tongue in such a way it was suffocating. Why couldn’t I be allowed to say goodbye to the one person I had always stood beside and how could you leave this behind with that smile like none of this ever mattered. I hated questions with answers that were never meant to reach me. I hated not getting closure. I had to say it. I had to know whether seeing me would wipe that smile from your face or if you would treat me like some crazed stranger. I found myself running through the crowds of people, running as if my very life depended on it. I had stood frozen for so long who knows how much space now separated us. My muscles began to burn and ache by the time I caught a glimpse of you. You were still so far away quickly moving further and further. I was gaining on you with every stride but my knees grew weaker and began to buckle under my weight. I begged my legs not to fail me. I couldn’t give in, I continued to run ever closer and when you were almost in my reach, my body finally gave way and I collapsed to my hands and knees. The group around you had grown even larger as had your smile and I was selfishly more miserable for it. My tears began to fall like the words out of my mouth. "Rayne I hate you! I really hate you." I couldn’t even look up to see if you had heard me. I must look so pathetic on my knees, scrapped and bruised, sobbing like a five year old child, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t control it any longer. "I hate you." The words now almost a whisper. The busy crowd walking around me looked away as if they ignored me I would disappear. I wish that were true because I didn't have the strength to stand up and walk away. It was then that I realized the darkness that blocked my sun and the feet that were standing before me. I was too afraid to look up so the face came down to me. I knew it was Luca without even looking. He called my name and wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in. He told me I should’t have come here. I already knew that, he didn't have to say it.