Indigo

We don’t talk about love

We don’t exaggerate how much we miss each other when we’re apart

Because we don’t

Our hearts are mosaics made of everyone we broke

And an already torn apart heart can’t love

The January fling that faltered in February

She can’t remember their name

The beautiful thing that didn’t last long but left lemongrass and grapefruit in her wake

I almost stumbled after her, but she and I, we’re wildfires

We burn until nothing’s left, except us

Until I’m forced to fall into her arms again

It’s always temporary, as she never stops reminding me

Her smiles give me vertigo

But when the dizzy charade fails, and neither of us longs for its embrace

Or each other’s

We don’t regret anything

Especially leaving

One day, I think we might be too broken to put each other back together

And I don't know what happens then

I saw her cry once

The day she ruined another nameless pretty face

Golden tears flowing down dark soft cheeks in fluorescent lighting bouncing off her skin

I wanted to hold her and tell her that girl probably wasn’t worth it anyway

But I worried if we started to dissect the imperfections her, she’d discover all of mine

The careful act of playing dumb

Pretend her lipstick isn’t completely gone and my skirt doesn’t really belong to Hannah from biology

We gave up on playing make-believe but we do it every day, just with a different name

Don’t throw off the rose-colored glasses unless you have to

The waters between us are rocky and unsure enough as it is

It’s best not to rock the boat any more

And afterwards, when she comes begging for forgiveness

Her hair thrown up in a hasty bun because she doesn’t care how I see her anymore

She knows I’d walk through fire for her

I’ll hold her tight and tell her it’s alright

People make mistakes

I buy grapefruit shampoo and never use it, lemongrass face scrub that can’t wash away shame

At the end of the day, it’s just a game we play

And nobody wins