More Scotch.

I was sitting in the doctor’s office, waiting for him to come in after my initial physical exam with the nurse. This part always made me feel nervous, just waiting, wondering what might be wrong, what might be revealed by my blood work. Eventually the doctor walked in beaming ear to ear. “You, my friend, are in for some good news!”

I didn’t say anything. I thought: just let this be over, don’t make me ask, just tell me what is going on. The doctor still didn’t say anything, so I obliged him. “What’s going on with me, Doc?”

“Have you travelled to any foreign countries recently? Interacted with anyone that you wouldn’t interact with normally?”

Nothing came to mind, so I just shook my head.

“No magical beings? Miraculous events? Bites from radioactive animals? Prophecies?”

“Not to my knowledge,” I replied.

The Doctor looked at his clipboard. “Well, we have your results back. You have infinite wishes.”

“Inifinite what?”

“Inifinite wishes, you can wish for whatever your want, as many times as you want, and your wishes will be granted. As of now, we are not sure how this happened. That’s why I’m asking you if anything out of the ordinary has happened recently.”

It all came flooding back to me. I was blackout drunk at a yard sale, at least I thought it was a yard sale. I found a dirty old lamp, so I rubbed it. I met the seller who said his name was John or Jean, or something like that. He started saying I could have three things, and three things only, so I just beligerently slurred at him: "YOU'LL GIVE ME EVERYTHING I WANT, BLUE BOY!"

"This is really something, pal" the doctor reitereated. "So, what will you wish for first?"

I knew I didn't deserve this power, no one did. I shouldn't just be a selfish jerk like I was at the yard sale. I should try to help people. I blurted out, "I wish everyone was happy and healthy."

"WOAH! What the hell are you doing?!"

I was confused by my doctor suddenly seeming so aggitated and amused at the same time. This was not helping my dislike for doctor's visits.

"What? What's wrong? I just want everyone to be happy and healthy."

"Firstly, I'm a doctor, you never want me to work again? If you're going to take away my livelihood, at least take me out to dinner or kiss me first. Secondly, you want "everyone" to be happy and healthy? There are now millions of people across the planet burried underground who have just come back to life and have no way to dig themselves out! You have just sentenced millions of people to happily suffocate in the dark... after already dying once! I'm happier than I've ever been, but I strongly recommend you be more specific."

"NO!" I screamed, "I wish everyone underground was above ground!" Just then, I heard a crash. I opened the door and saw an entire subway train had crashed through the waiting room. No one was hurt though, and everyone seemed to be smiling and having a good time.

"This is disasterous, but I really don't want this to end!" My doctor exclaimed.

I needed to calm down and think more carefully. "I wish I had two fingers of sco- I mean, I wish I had a glass, on the table in front of me, that had two shots of good scotch in it with one icecube." I grabbed the scotch almost as fast as it manifested itself, and slugged it back. "Ok... now, think damn it... think!"

"You may want to keep track of how many units of alcohol you're having a week, as your behavior seems to be indicative of alcohol dependence, but you do YOU buddy!" my doctor said as he reclined in his chair.

All the power in the world, nothing but possibilities, each one with its own devastating consequences, and all at my fingertips. All I had to do was open my mouth, and anything I ever wanted could be mine. At the same time, opening my mouth could literally destroy the world. There was only one option that made sense. "I'm gonna need more scotch..."