Good, Bad, Indifferent

I always thought of myself as a good person. Bending over backwards to help people that would never in a million years do the same for me. But I’m not.

Bipolar disorder is known for having extremely empathetic people. I myself am empathetic to a fault. But being empathetic doesn’t make me a good person.

I am selfish, aggressive, and occasionally a bit rude. I will fist fight you in the parking lot for a “good morning”. I love with everything I have, but alas that doesn’t make me a good person.

I can’t make friends to save my life, and have emotionally distanced myself from everyone that has ever loved me. I get sucked into my delusions, and my hallucinations. Sometimes in the really bad days, I hurt myself, and that doesn’t make me a good person.

I’ve made my mom cry, because she can’t help me. I’ve made my brother cry because I don’t want him looking after me. How can I make those who love me most, that emotionally distraught, and still call myself a good person?

But I live my life, and take my meds. I hang out with my family, I take care of my kids. I go to work every day, and I struggle a lot. I’m not a good person, but I am a person who is trying to be a better person.