Deception

the thing with deception is that it is merciless it doesn't not come slowly giving you time to take breaths in between  but it settles down in one sudden move between the cracks of your bones and the missing pieces in your soul and something downs you and your body becomes heavy like it is not yours you are carrying but a dead weight of a body long ago thrown

I write this while i shiver wondering how long will this one last , i tasted every bitterness there is but this one, this one is different this one is rude it came suddenly unexpected and certainly unwelcomed and now i feel like drowning again 

i've been teaching myself how to swim for so long and now i am afraid i didn't learn

the weight is too much to float and too stubborn to sink to the bottom it is always like this always i beg for air amid the cold water i reach for the light but it never comes i do not know where i stand exactly and at what end i am stuck in the middle of nowhere and it is hurting and i can feel myself getting bad again