I will preface this poem to say that my first real, serious crush was completely unrequited and not very realistic as I think back on it. He was my best friend's older brother, and a
dashing marine. All the descriptors for a cheesy hallmark movie haha. I remember after I met him for the first time, I couldn't eat for a week. I cannot explain that feeling to this day, however I was a young college girl who put her first "love" on such a pedastal there was not room for 2. So when I think of this time in my life, I think of how I just ached. I ached for him, and did not even know him. Not really. Sounds silly to me now, but to the young girl that I was, it was everything and it was real.
Here is what I wrote back then some 8 years or so now.
I find myself
writing of you
I lose myself completely.
I ache for want of you and
search for you in a sea of faces.
I cry tears that wash away doubts,
wipe the slate clean and my wanting goes on,
as if it were a myth passed down by word of mouth
as if it were a song that begged to be sung for the world.
Don't you see? Wanting you does not make me whole or happy.
Needing you does not complete the faint heartbeat of life.
Consoling myself to be resigned to waiting is akin
to waiting for rain in a decade long drought,
chafing from the ends of my hands to
the tips of my toes you encompass
every part of my aching body.
And I, well I, wait for want
of you and only you
like seas when