If only you could hear these words...

We used to sit next to each other in class. You were always cracking jokes, and I was always laughing even though they weren’t funny. Your jokes might have been terrible, but your laughter was the best. I wish I could hear it again.

I bet you didn’t think I’d notice the scars littering your skin, or the frequent trips to the band room during breaks to settle some “things”. You always took too long, and your eyes were always too red.

I also knew about that timer on your phone, counting down the days till your… departure. You were always looking at it, as if that would somehow make time go by faster. Was that what kept you going every day?

I never knew what to do. Was there anything I could have said to give you hope? Would hugs have taken away your sleepless nights? Or maybe I was just a coward all along, afraid that anything I did would have turned out to be futile. Then, I would only feel more helpless.

Did you know that I knew so much? Do you hate me for not doing anything? I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I miss you. I don’t know how to move on. I can’t sleep. I hate waking up. Please, please, be in a better place where you no longer hurt. I'm always thinking about you. I love you.