to love or to be loved; and age-old question

I love the sun, I love the trees, I love the butterflies and the flowers; I love my dogs, I love my friends. 

At times I even love you. 

But it is impossible for me to live in that love for I fear how you will love me. 

Will you love me the way my parents do and forever corrupt me or will you love me like they do in the movies.

Holding me, loving me, cherishing me. 

Or better yet will you love me the way I love you, wanting to be everything but always fearing you are nothing. 

Would it be the way I do, as though you have fallen into the ocean and you’re sinking and your throat is closing up and you know you should fight, should try to reach the surface; so you kick your legs a few times but you already feel tired so you let yourself sink to the bottom, disgusted in your weakness but relishing in the freeing sensation running through your body? 

Would we even be able to love each other? 

I know and you know that we don’t love ourselves, that we barely have the energy to say hello, so how would I love you and you love me?

Would I be too much for you? 

Would you be too little for me? 

Or would one of us love the other more than the other loves us? 

Would I ban you from driving in fear of losing you because my entire world would be in that car? 

Would you raise a hand on me, would you stop me from being friends with other boys? 

Would I let you? 

So I would rather love you deep in my heart, in secret, not even admitting to myself that I love you in fear of being left behind than let you love me.

How would you love me?