Random Thoughts IV

31

So many people are frightened of computers. I don’t know why.

Computers work in binary, a series of ones and noughts. Admittedly they work fast, processing 7.2 billion calculations in the same time it takes to read this sentence. But every one of those calculations is processed in binary.

Why be scared of something that can’t count to two?

32

My girlfriend dropped hints that she wanted a diamond for her birthday.

I went one better and gave her all 52 cards.

33

World’s worst wordplay: alliterate spoonerisms.

34

My redhead friend is a baker. We call him the Ginger Breadman.

35

My father always taught me to treat others as I wished to be treated.

He forgot to mention doing so would lead to so many sexual harassment charges.

36

I’m not afraid to express that, in my opinion, I suffer from doxophobia.

37

I sometimes worry that I’m too introspective.

38

She walked across the room. Our hands touched. Electricity sparked.

That’s a common problem with cheap carpets.

39

The problem with having above-average intelligence is that, by definition, the majority of people you meet are not as clever. The higher your IQ, the more difficult to find anyone with which you can share a thought-provoking conversation.

I’m so glad I don’t have these problems.

40

The next time I go on holiday, I’m booking my cat into a cattery. I’m no longer trusting her with Schrodinger.