Pen to the Paper 12

"Put your right foot in, you take your right foot out. Put your right foot in and you shake it all about. You do the Hokey Pokey… See, Nick, I have no idea what the Hokey Pokey is anymore. Is it this?" I asked, putting my hands on my hips and doing one of SpongeBob's techniques for proper bubble blowing.

"Can you do that again?"

I did, swiveling my hips in a circle.

"No, not at all," Nick said with a chuckle.

"It has been on my mind all week. I've done it hundreds of times, and now I just can't seem to remember."

"Well, it's like this. You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around, that's what it's all about," Nick said, turning around slowly while pointing both fingers in the air.

"You sure? That doesn't seem right."

"Pretty positive. I went to a wedding last week. I was the maid of honor."

"What? Whose wedding were you at that you, a super muscular man with a full beard at the age of seventeen, were the maid of honor?"

"Oh, Maya and her new boyfriend got hitched. So, who's the winner this week?"

"Nick."

"Yeah?"

"It starts today," I said. "Also, do you have pictures?"

"Yeah, man. So here's me trying on my dress--it was too tight. I flexed and the arms ripped. Here's me learning how to walk in heels. This is the bachelorette party. Tell you what, man, watching a bunch of chick-flix and eating pizza all night--no better way to celebrate. Here we are getting ready. I had to help put make-up on one of the bride's maids, and here is the youngest bride's maid putting make-up on me…"

"Oh, she's absolutely adorable," I said.

"I know, right? Cutest little thang you ever done did see," Nick replied. "Here's me crying while handing Maya the ring (there wasn't a ring bearer). And this is me catching the bouquet."

"Dang, looks like you had a fun time."

"Oh, yeah, man. Oh! I almost forgot!" He took his phone back out of his pocket and found another photo. "This is me bench pressing everyone who attended at the same time."

"Show off."

"No, this is showing off," Nick said, picking up my desk and spinning it on the tip of his finger. Putting it down, he said, "I hope you don't mind, but I brought my older brother in to help today. I can't be here the entire time. Me and the girls are going dress shopping. We gotta stay in contact, you know? Figured what better way than to all go to the mall and buy dresses!"

"Sounds like a plan, Stan."

"He prefers Stanley."

I looked at Nick, confused. "Who does?"

"My brother. Anyways, I'll see you later. I need to grab my purse before I leave."

After he left, I said to myself, "What have they done to him?"

Looking at my watch, I straightened my tie and headed towards stage. As I approached the stage, I heard it. Incessant cheering and chanting. Stepping onto stage, I noticed cracks forming in the ceiling above me and dust falling from it. A small chunk of ceiling hit my shoulder and bounced to the floor. Everyone was jumping around and chanting, "Caleb! Caleb! Caleb!"

"Wow," I said, grabbing the microphone. "This is amazing. WHO'S EXCITED FOR PEN TO THE PAPER TWELVE!?!?!?"

The entire audience erupted in screams. The dust from above intensified.

"Well, you came to the right place, because today's the day!"

More cheering, more screaming, followed by a thunderous crack and a large chunk of ceiling falling directly on top of me.

Everyone gasped in shock, the room went silent. Slowly, I stood up from the rubble, covered in dust.

Throwing my hands in the air, I yelled, "PEN TO THE PAPER 12, BABAAYY!!!"

The audience began cheering and clapping again, and I left stage pretending that I didn't break every bone in my body.

"Hey, Stanley," I said, walking towards him. "Can you drive me to the hospital?"

"Ye, I gotchu, bro." He picked me up, threw me over his shoulder, and ran faster than an Olympic athlete to the hospital.