My Time Has Come

You know how it is.

You get into a hobby, you can’t bring yourself to throw anything out, it starts piling up, mom or dad or whoever your parental figure is just won’t get off your back to organize it, etc.

In my case, my parents were relentless in trying to throw out my notebooks.

Well well well Mom, guess who's laughing now. My years of procrastination in the classroom have finally paid off!

...Er, sort of anyway.

I've always been fascinated by survival shows and books and would write down things I thought were interesting in my notebooks. In hindsight Mom was right and the least I could've done is ripped out the actual factoids from between the math and history notes. But hey, without the Internet, I've had plenty of extra time to get it done.

Now all that being said, residule knowledge isn't everything. Composure is important too kids. I messed up, and pretty badly too. I was in the middle of a roadtrip upstate to see my brother when whatever EMP on steroids went off. I'd pulled over on the side of the road by some woods to gather materials. Gosh... why didn't I wait till the next day to do it? As the sun was setting? I must be thick in the head.

Theatrics aside, whoever was in those words got the jump on me. It's been a long running joke that I have bad luck, so I can only think it's some sort of cosmic coincidence that they didn't kill me. But they might as well have. They took the car and left me stranded. If that wasn't bad enough, when they knocked me out they also broke my glasses. I'm nearsighted to hell. At least they didn't take my backpack, but they probably just didn't see I had it in the dark.

I mentioned some infamous bad luck earlier right? Well hold onto your pants.

When I came to, the moon was high in the sky. I chose to try and climb a nearby tree to spend the night to minimize possible threats. In the dark I ended up grabbing some thorns and injurying my left hand. I fell and had the wind knocked out of me. After recovering from the fall, I opted to hike my way back up to the railing along the interstate. Sleeping directly on it seemed like it's own deathbed, but I wanted to keep my sense of direction before knocking out. I chose a soft patch of dirt nearby and layed down.

Then the heavens decided to bless me with rain. The patch of dirt quickly became mud and my heavy-sleeper-self didn't wake up until the very beginnings of a landslide. As I desperately swam through liquid earth and copious amounts of animal dung, gasping for air, I found myself at the bottom of a ravine. I used to tell myself that I loved rainy days, but that was as a person who grew up in the desert where I barely encountered any. I take it all back...

It was near impossible to hike back up where I'd been pushed down. The earth was still soft and muddy. I couldn't get a foothold anywhere. I had no food and the water didn't look clean. Staying in one spot until the land dried didn't seem viable either. Trying to trudge on in soaked and muddy clothes while exposed to the windy nights and blistering sun during the day wasn't much help either.

Eventually I found more even ground, but I also quickly learned that bears were in these woods. Not because I saw a bear, but because I stepped in a bear trap. I've always had a bad sense of time. I'm not sure exactly how long it's been since I got jumped, but I know it's been at least two since I got stuck with the bear trap.

I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna make it, so I tried my best to make sure my notebooks are still legible and not too soggy. Not sure how high the chances are of finding it, but the car with my stuff has the license plate number 8EBB460. It's a dark blue car. Not a van but you know a regular sized one. I'm not a car person, sorry for the crappy details. After I'm done writing this, it's going in the bag and I'm gonna chuck it into a tree so it hopefully lasts for a while.

This really sucks. I was kind of looking forward to seeing how I'd survive in the new age. I really wanted to grow a big vegetable garden, but my time has come. Good luck to the rest of you, may you never have my level of bad luck.