The Dreary

Sleep eludes me. It often does when I'm in this heightened emotional state. I can't stop thinking about all the things that went wrong in my life and all the choices I made that I shouldn't have. I can't stop playing the what-if game and losing. I can't stop the depression that overtakes my thoughts, like ink slowly turning the water of my mind black. At this point I no longer want to stop it. I welcome the darkness. Somehow it gives me what I need. It fills me with a purpose. Hating myself gives me purpose.