Disarm

I think the hardest part about, and I don't use this word lightly but I recognize the feeling and think this word is suitable, loving someone whose feelings towards you are uncertain is that we get really caught up projecting our own feelings onto them. It's harsh because our hearts are pounding out of our chest for this person. And that kind of feeling is so hard to deny that we can't fathom another possibility where they don't feel the same way about ourselves. We forget to let the universe handle it for us. We forget that just being ourselves, exactly as we are, is enough. And we put ourselves through every possible scenario to try and cope with the idea of it not working but then that damn heart muscle starts pounding against the sternum again. And we follow it like the youth at a rave on a body high, jumping rhythmically in place to the bass.

So we feel guilty almost for having let it get this far in our heads.

And you just want to look at them and yell, "Don't you feel this too?!"

But the trouble is that the heart has reasons which Reason knows nothing of.

And we don't get to choose.

It's frustrating because you want it to work out but we won't have the faith in what's meant to be, will be.

That lack of faith is what crushes us.

I do a lot of thinking. And being gay, falling for guys that are total, *straight*, sweethearts, has been my entire life experience.

So I really do get it. More than anyone I might argue, that loving someone who can't see you in the same light, is heart wrenching.

I think what makes it even harder for us is that we're intuits. So even though we fall victim to our own hearts it's also because we can feel what they feel.. and part of them really does love us back .. but they have different reservations, different hindrances. So they can't act on it the way we wish they would.

It's important to know that what you feel, and feeling what they feel, is legitimate.

Your soul and heart know what we can't see. It's not that we're wrong and that they don't feel the same way... It's just that their life isn't meant to be a part of ours in that way. It's bittersweet. Because you learn that you're capable of so much love and have that to give but also, it takes that much love and more to be selfless and let them live their path without you.