october is about waiting
wearing tights gets me in the mood for the holidays.
all-black clothing; soft skirts and long sleeves,
making hot chocolate with a friend on facetime
and pretending like she's still here, putting my
hair back and walking outside in a coat, because
it's finally, finally cold enough in california.
i'm waiting patiently: for a letter to come in the
mail, for inspiration to strike, for the milk to
heat up, for halloween night, for my friends to
come over, for the weather to chill, for a text back,
for christmas music and hanukkah parties, for
the BART train to arrive, for the lights in the theater
to dim, for my first kiss, for math test results, for
the winter months to come.
but it's a nice waiting, the kind that you can curl
up under the blanket and read a book, the kind
that comes an hour before the party starts when
everything is clean and you're setting out the food.
it's a calm kind of thrumming that runs through
my body in anticipation, a few butterflies in my
stomach that i know will dissolve when something
happens, the feeling i get when i know it will be soon-
so i just have to wait.