october is about waiting

wearing tights gets me in the mood for the holidays.

all-black clothing; soft skirts and long sleeves,

making hot chocolate with a friend on facetime

and pretending like she's still here, putting my

hair back and walking outside in a coat, because

it's finally, finally cold enough in california.

i'm waiting patiently: for a letter to come in the

mail, for inspiration to strike, for the milk to

heat up, for halloween night, for my friends to

come over, for the weather to chill, for a text back,

for christmas music and hanukkah parties, for

the BART train to arrive, for the lights in the theater

to dim, for my first kiss, for math test results, for

the winter months to come.

but it's a nice waiting, the kind that you can curl

up under the blanket and read a book, the kind

that comes an hour before the party starts when

everything is clean and you're setting out the food.

it's a calm kind of thrumming that runs through

my body in anticipation, a few butterflies in my

stomach that i know will dissolve when something

happens, the feeling i get when i know it will be soon-

so i just have to wait.