body and mind
I've been trying to tell you something, you know.
You mean the hunger? Yeah, if you haven't noticed, I don't appreciate it. Except... maybe I do. Ha- I think I'd be afraid if it left me!
Can't you see? This isn't a game.
Oh, I know, it's "life or death". But we don't seem to be dying very quickly, do we?!
That's because I've been fighting to keep us alive.
I'd rather you not. I know what I want, and you're just making this harder.
But what IS it you truly want? To die? That's where we'd be headed without everything I've gone through to keep our blood pumping.
No. I don't want to die. I don't think. It's hard to tell... I mean, well, if you don't let me change you, maybe I do.
Why do I have to change for you to be happy? I'm doing my job, aren't I?
It's not about happiness... It's about surviving. I CAN'T survive every day having to live within you, knowing I'm allowing you to change into something that revolts me. I've got to do something to restrain you. I don't trust you- you've shown me I can't.
You're talking about trust to ME?! How can I trust YOU? Answer me that.
You can't. I guess we both just can't trust each other.
Well, all I know is I'm not going to give up, not yet. I'll keep fighting for us- even if you won't.
I don't care! I won't feed you. I'm sorry, I wish I could, especially since you torture me with hunger when I don't- and I've been in the habit of giving in to you- but I can't stop trying to resist.
When then?
When what?
When will you stop?
I don't know. Maybe the day I know the torment will go away. The morning I wake up and can know that if I let you be you, I won't want to die.
But... but what if such a promise never comes? After all I do for you, I know you still hate me. But we have so much purpose in life that we'll never walk in if we're perpetually fighting against each other. Is that how you want to spend the rest of our lives?
No. But right now... right now, I'm just too afraid to forfeit this battle against you.
How many times must I say it? I'm on your side!
It doesn't feel like it. And anyway, I'm not on your side. You disgust me.
I'm the reason you're alive.
I hate you! I hate the way you look! The way you're always craving things... the way I can never escape you.
You've said you hate me before, but, since that's clearly true, do you hate my Maker, too?
I... no. I just don't agree with Him. I don't know why He had to put me through this.
I don't know why He lets you abuse me either, but, still, there's got to be a reason! I believe that. Do you believe that?
I don't know. Maybe He's just trying to teach me how I need to suffer.
Is that what you really think?
No. I... I know Him better than that. But I'm just tired!
I'm tired too.
Is there no hope?
Huh?
Will this ever be better?
I think you get to decide that.
But I just don't know how! I've tried to accept you before! I just don't think I can.
I know but... are you willing to try again? To allow me to be me?
I don't want to. I really, really don't.
But will you? Try once more? I think He wants you to.
I... oh, I might! I'm scared, though. I'm really scared.
He knows.