Loneliness

There's an inevitable attraction to being alone sometimes. But being alone is different from being lonely. Loneliness is the void that you feel when nothing makes sense in the world but your own experiences do. And those experiences sometimes seem to make more sense than your own existence.

You watch as life slowly moves forward; the grandiosity of it all astounding you. But sometimes the mere lack of "life" itself leaves you preoccupied with a dance towards darkness. At that point, you are blind to your own path.

Loneliness is getting out of bed ready to start the day, but realizing that no one's going to be there, caring about what you do. Yes, this is that feeling. The feeling that you alone are the audience of your life.

You go about life, being a wandering soul out of the several other humans in the world who watch as the days fall back.

Are you any different from them? From those who prowl about the earth seeking for a purpose? Seeking for meaning?

Sometimes, I often wonder why nothing makes sense in the world. But even though this is true, I wonder why I was brought out here in the first place. If nothing makes sense, then doesn't my own existence seem quite ridiculous?

Yet here I am; experiencing the all of nature and the universe while experiencing nothingness at the same time.

Here I am, being one with everything, and feeling like nothing at the same time.

There are rare moments that exist out there in the world where one is happy being alone.

That's the significant difference.

When you're lonely, you need people around you.

Sometimes, it's often like being an empty hole. You don't really have an identity, you let others fill you with their emotions, their happiness, and like an addiction, once you lose them, you feel like you've lost a part of yourself forever.

People begin to live through you, and you experience their humanness.

This is the strange thing about being lonely, it's the fact that you actually love other human beings.

If you didn't, then being in solitude would give your complete and utter joy.

But that's not the case.

What I do hope for sure...

...is that in these feelings of mine.

I'll learn not to depend so much on other people for my validation.

I'll learn to smile in the face of the emptiness of it all.

And like a dove signaling the signs of life, I'll hum the symphonies that reflect the mold and depth of my true being.

I... alone... are just as vast enough... to fill the gaping hole that drowns me.