Ugh.

It has been so long. I do not know what to say or where to start.

To busy I have been tearing myself apart. Working myself sick just to stay in a place that sickens me with no time left to for the things that have given me the joy I now lack. I'm searching looking for magical map of the road back to my former self. 15,000 words my work is still incomplete. I wish that I could say I have only neglected it for weeks. Simply because I am too weak. Though, the truth is much more bleak Its more like 6 months. Not because the words are not there but because I am too exhausted to care... this life it begins to wear. These words I muster now are more bitter than mustard brown and probably produced the ugliest frown from you right now. Without a doubt the worst work I have ever done but I am coming undone this is not even for fun I'm just trying to get my brain to run. This here and now I hope is just the garbage I'm throwing out. Trying to un- gunk my gears so I can hear my spirit sing to me again the words I knew to be my truest friends. At the end of the worst days they used to at least pretend to have my back. I hope to get them back again. I will at least pretend and fake it till I make it until this suffering ends.