To the Girl Who Still Hasn’t Apologized,

You had specially chosen words and phrases that you knew would make me lower my eyes when I stood shaking before you. The things you said to me first sat in my lower belly. Eventually they spread and filled every crevice in my body. What you believed about me coated my long bones and then it's two years later and those things are all I can think about.

It's easy for you to forgive and forget your past because it's just that to you- past. However, it's my present, it's my everyday. I'm terrified it'll be my future. 

I'm boring. I'm shallow. I'm too much of a rule-follower. I like the wrong music, the wrong art, and the wrong people. 

You let me known these things when I was 13-years-old and I didn't have the tools to deal with a collision of this size or intensity. Hell, I shouldn't have even needed those type of power tools. 

Now, I'm around you everyday again. When I hear you go on about the significance of your astrological sign, I feel the rage collecting in my joints. In my knuckles and knees. 

I hate telling this story. Mostly because I still don't think anyone will believe me.