Flaw number 1

I don't believe it was easy for me to admit my flaws especially this one , this one flaw ,which pushed me to further alter my self , can actually hold the responsibility of my social anxiety

I am a bitter person with the essential meaning of the word of envy and great jealousy of others happiness and success

when someone is joyful i find myself wondering why i can't be joyful too or as happy as they are

when someone succeeds in a task i failed i can't help but envy them, question my ability then the ways they reached their success 

And i fear that whoever is reading those words might think i am a bad person which i'm afraid i am 

This defect is really confusing , for i often think i am a good person i don't judge nor do i hurt my surroundings but when i find myself angry or sad because my friend succeeded whilst i didn't make any steps forward i question every morals and ethics i have 

i wander whether i am a pretentious poser who just lies and double face her way through life

and as hard as it is to write it down i can proudly say that once i find myself amidst its thoughts i refuse them and instantly dismiss them and i am proud of that because i acknowledge my flaws but i do not accept them 

all i hope is that these faults do not render me a corrupt human