If Only

I did it all, yet I still lost.

I did well at my job, made me and my company lots of money, never taking a sick day or a vacation day for myself. I excelled at my craft and made tons of money, I am a master at all I do, but I am alone.

To get where I am now, I had to sacrifice my time off. I never had time to go out with friends or family. I have had little contact with my family ever since my mother's funeral that I did not attend. I had an important deadline to meet. A deadline that now seems insignificant to what I missed. I have always gotten the best grades, but I am still a fool. I did not know what I gave up in return for those grades.

I am now alone at the top where it is not as sunny or warm as I thought it would be. Instead it is cold and distant. My employees only laugh at my jokes because it is what is expected of them, their smiles are fake, as fake as my own if not more so.

My youngest sister has it all, she has a family that cares about her, four kids and a loving spouse. A spouse that she met while ditching class, something that I would never have done, something that I should have, at least once in my life. Her kids play school sports and musical instruments like the flute and the French horn. While earning little pay, both of them are school teachers, they have the life that I wish I had. If only I didn't want the money.

My younger brother is the same. He has a loving wife that he travels that world with. He has been to France, England, India, and all over Africa. As a physician, she works for Doctor's without Borders around the world, and as a nurse he follows her path. They just announced they are due for a child, they are thinking of naming him Claude Voyageur Smith. He is due in October. If only I could deal with having a wife better than me.

My other sister an artist, she just passed a job interview and was hired at a movie studio. She is happy. While still single like me, she does not feel like me. She is always laughing and with plenty of friends. Like our brother, she travels the world and has been to Sweden, Finland, South Africa, Spain, and costa Rica. I have never left the states. If only I did not crave power over others, then that life could have been mine.

I would like my assests divided among them all equally, whether or not any of them come to my funeral. They all would have a better idea of what to do with the money. Money that has never returned the love I gave it. I should have done more than pursue money and power in my life for now it means nothing to me, and I wish to move on.

Au revoir

Master Smith.