True Intimacy

Rain unrelentingly tapped against the window of your bedroom. It was dark and  comforting; the only light coming from the ashy pool of wax that was once a candle, minutes away from burnout. The space was small; thick drapes and tapestries enveloping the cool brick. Several rugs scattered the wood floor, yielding to the large, frameless mattress. Nestlike: this was your special place, that of which few had ever been allowed to see.

However, someone else joined you tonight, entangled within an ouroboros of sheets and blankets. You felt their warmth against your back: they were all you wanted. Affection has always been something difficult for you. Family life had never been easy, and it had left you bitter and uneducated on the matter. It had only hit you when you met them, how much you had craved that feeling of closeness.

As you lay there, curled into the arms of your lover; it felt cheap to even call them that, the way they fed you. You felt so full when you were with them: unlike anything you had felt before. You could stay in the soft folds with them for the rest of time. Hot breath against you. A wet mouth collides with the back of your neck: gentle. This gentleness was unmatched. Roughness is so prevalent in life: so few moments contain something of tenderness.

Large hands rubbed your shoulder blades. Legs brushing against your own. The mouth made its way to your shoulder, arms intertwining around you and with your own. They held you there, head pressed into the curve of your neck. Not just breathing you in: melting into you.

How you wanted to be someone else. But, when you were here, with them, it made you glad to be you. They made you feel like a person: no longer a deep void; an endless cavern to fall in. There was a ground here, with them. You pressed harder into them.

A sob escaped you: you could no longer hide it. They knew, and held you firmly through the storm. They had known that you were a dangerous wind trapped in a small, glass jar. And that sometimes the glass cracked, or that the lid would blow off all together. But they didn’t mind. There was a storm in us all.

You didn’t ask for anything, and they knew that these moments were all you really needed from them. Caressing their hand and wrist, you silently wept. Kisses dotted your neckline, and their firm grip remained. Rocking against them: the wind was strong today. They held you through the night, light touches and kisses keeping you grounded, their support protecting you.

How you were so grateful for them: you turned in their arms, and looked into their eyes and face. No words came to mind as you gazed over them. Slowly, you pressed your mouth into theirs, holding their face in place. How soft they were: how soft, yet firm enough to keep you up. You wanted to be strong, like them.

Every ounce of gratitude, you had poured out into them. There were nights you did the same for them, rocking them softly as they wept. Nightmares came and went, and it was a struggle for you both. But, you weathered the storm together, standing strong and still against it.

Forehead to forehead, you ran your hands over them, and they did the same. Nothing else mattered. Sharing breath, legs curved and twisted together. The rain still persisted, and it was that faint chiming through the night that let you both drift off. Warm, together: nested and content.