Entangling the Soul with Psychopathic Malevolence

We all have our ideas of good and evil, or if you don’t attend to higher powers, use the various prefixes of morality, or if you have nothing else, consider that perspective exists only within the confines that our unique paths have taken. I often think of our universe and the smallest scaled “spookiness” of reality where every particle within its field exists and acts as if connected to all the others. In some grander scheme, there may be one that connects across them all, to a point where every interaction within is somehow known and recorded. It all becomes an exorcize of thought to what may happen when we die. If, in that dimension, our souls save and continue down to each quantum interaction of existence, there could be a way to play them back, relive them, or perhaps live them through another consciousness when ours has played out in the realm we understand.

This brings me to my special condition. You see, I am Bipolar and have suffered several episodes of manic and depressive psychosis. My brain in both states tends to rev itself up or down to a critical place where sleep and food and drink become secondary to the mind’s spinning collapse. It begins to function on two levels, one that smears dreams and reality across the consciousness and the other that exposes the subconscious to the cognitive portions of the brain. You see Angels and Demons and flirt with the power and responsibility of Gods. Then comes nothingness, blackness, insignificance, and doom. I am my most creative, swirling inside the eye of it. I am the most scared and confident of what I may become as well. Having been through it, having seen it in others, I can thankfully say that I did not find an ounce of malevolence within me. I pray that continues forever.

At some point along this ride, I put the notions above together and started to think about the evolution of humanity’s darkest minds. And this is where I confess my fantasy. It is not for the weak of heart or mind. It’s a trip to a place that most humans and our cultures know. I just call it hell. Not the hell of retribution or damnation of my own soul, but the possession, being of my own self, within the existence and soul of humanity’s very worst, reliving their lives, exposed to all their horrid thoughts and deeds. And then to possess in the same way, every soul that suffered them.

I dream that our existence is truly eternal in this endeavor, It will take billions of souls to feel, endure, and understand the extents of our human darkness.

And maybe the next time around, I’ll go for the light.