Fantasy vs. Fantasy vs. Reality vs. Fantasy

Ok, I am going to accurately tell you my very realistic fantasies for my own life, because it’s something that’s in my head a lot and you should write what you know, right? (oh yesssa, be prepared for clichés galore!).

I see myself in a house that I have designed myself, standing on its terrace and looking out on my farm in New Zealand. I am loved by everyone in the community for my kindness, wit, and whatever talents I have and I love myself for everything I am (maybe not the most original fantasy, but I just can’t deny it). I work as a neuropsychologist, an academic editor, a book author and I contribute to the daily work on the farm. I just magically have time to do all of that without being stressed. And I casually drink tons of white wine but seeing that doesn’t have any negative impact on my children and I am not an alcoholic - super chill. Oh yeah and I forgot, when I am on that farm, I am in my early 30’s and I have found the love of my life (something I'll refer back to, just wait).

Before that, I am doing my Ph.D. and I am being highly valued for the super important research I did (I’m not a narcissist, I swear; even though I don't seem to do myself any favours writing this in detail). I travel a lot for interesting collaborations and I’m not bound by any relationship; plus I earn so well that I can visit my family any time I want to. Because, to be honest, I already miss them when I am just 30 minutes away from them - and I decided that's a problem for my future self to work on, you're/I am welcome!

So then I am in my here and now. Already working three freelance jobs indeed and my most urgent and biggest fantasy is that I don’t have to move from one sublet to another every two months because some landlord finally appreciates that people can earn sufficient money without being employed at just one job. And all that love I am looking for I kinda see, but I am also putting restrictions on myself that I have to do this and that first before anyone can love me unconditionally (yes yes, I am my own best frenemy).

Regarding the last step of my fantasy, I am 26 right now - single - with ca. 3 years left in my training to be a behavioural therapist - that I have to complete in the city I live in now; so you can see how beautifully it all works out time- and travel-wise.

But you know, I can remember that exactly this was my fantasy once (uuuh I know, super unexpected twist). Something where I earn my own money; I embrace my spirituality; I figure out how to do things my way and not struggle to fit into other people’s paradigms; I am creative when I feel like it and I share it because I am proud that I am writing something after never feeling good enough to even try.

Well alright, back then I wanted to have kids when I’m 26 and that, obviously, did not work out. But you get the general sense.

So maybe, it’s not the most unlikely thing to stand on that terrace one day, surrounded by sheep (an important detail I forgot earlier - I just adore them for some reason and they don’t care about me at all; but I have enough love for all of us and they have to accept that).

Anyways, what I wanted to say (last cheesy thing, I swear): Keep going for it, people!*

*Unless for those dystopic fantasies please, because where focus goes, energy flows - just saying.