Never Enough is it?

I feel love, just differently.

I don’t talk about myself often so I apologize that I can’t express myself well.

With that said, I have to confess that I have made a grave mistake. I lied to you. For years. Maybe you already know. Maybe you’ve been waiting for me to admit it. Either way, you deserve the full truth.

I think I’m in love with you…

I said it.

I wish it were so easy to say it to your face.

I’ve felt this way for so long. I’ve tried too many times and always failed. It’s harder than you think. How could you ever consider me? The guy who’s been bullied for years, can’t speak in front of a crowd, and would rather stay at home playing video games by himself than go outside and stay with you.

You always ask me why I’m so quiet. Well, it’s because I’m always thinking. I’m not like you. I’m not fearless, and charismatic like you. My thoughts are loud and violent, but I’m meek and timid. If I spoke up I knew I would say the wrong thing. My words always get snagged in my throat, cutting me on their way out, but erode quickly after being exposed. I will tell you soon. I need to muster up the courage.

The mere thought of confessing makes my body shiver. I cringe at the idea of hearing myself say those words as if they don’t sound genuine simply because of their mine. I do love you. I promise.

I was never meant to belong but stoop up for me. You stood by me. Maybe you didn’t think much of it but it meant everything to me. You, a goddess, protecting what was no more than trash.

Yet, I still delude myself into conceiving a future with you.

You’re so dear to my heart, but love is not known to me.

The feelings come to me easily but always feel uncanny. The rejection I anticipate comes so naturally to me that it’s like fate.

Maybe it was meant to be. Maybe you could’ve replaced the broken edges that I can no longer fix. Maybe I could’ve been that for you. And maybe that’s my ego talking. I regret even the thought.

I’ve dragged it on long enough! I realize now I’m procrastinating. I can’t live my whole life in fear! The consequences be damned!

Right?

Next time I get the chance I will tell you everything. How I’ve loved you since we first had the same class together. Since we shared countless moments and talked about everything under the sun. Through your first terrible boyfriend. And your second one. Even with us being worlds apart I still feel your warmth against my cold pale skin. I’m too afraid.

I’m not enough.

I’ll always love you tomorrow, but not today.