What if Romeo and Juliet hated each other?
[Capulet's orchard. Enter Romeo]
Romeo
He jests at scars that never felt a wound.
[Romeo sees light coming from an upper window]
But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the west, and Juliet is a Californian condor.
Fall, abysmal bird, and let the moon live,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou, her maid, art far more vicious.
[Juliet appears at the window]
It is my adversary, O, it is my foe!
O, that she knew she were!
She speaks, yet she says nothing. What of that?
Her eye discourses; I will answer it.
I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks.
Two of the ugliest stars in all the heaven,
Having some business, do entreat her eyes
See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand.
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might smack that ugly face!
Juliet
Ay me!
Romeo
She speaks.
O, speak not again, foe, for thou art
Repulsive to this night.
Juliet
O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;
Go down into the depths of the earth.
Or, if thou wilt not, wilt under my gaze.
Romeo
[Aside] Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?
Juliet
'Tis thy entire being that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself.
O, be some other being!
What's in a name? That which we call garbage,
By any other word would smell as revolting.
So Romeo would — were he not Romeo called —
Retain that hated hideousness which he owes
Without that title.
Romeo
[Aloud] I shall not take thee at thy word.
Juliet
What man art thou that, thus bescreened in night,
So stumblest on my counsel?
Romeo
By a name
I know not how to tell thee who I am.
My name, disagreeable wretch, is precious to myself,
Because it is an enemy to thee.
Had I it written, I would laminate the word.
Juliet
My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words
Of that tongue's uttering, yet I know the sound.
Art thou not Romeo and a Montague?
Romeo
Yes, unsightly maid, if either thee dislike.
Juliet
How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?
The orchard walls are high and hard to climb,
And the place death, considering who thou art,
If any of my kinsmen find thee here.
Romeo
With hate's heavy wings did I o'erperch these walls,
For stony limits cannot hold resentment out;
Therefore thy kinsmen are no stop to me.
Juliet
If they do see thee, they will murder thee.
I would for the world they saw thee here.
Romeo
I have night's cloak to hide me from their eyes,
My life were better ended by them,
Than death prolonged, wanting of revenge.
Juliet
By whose direction found'st thou out this place?
Romeo
By hate, that first did prompt me to inquire.
He lent me counsel, and I lent him eyes.
I am no pilot, yet wert thou as far
As that vast shore washed with the farthest sea,
I would adventure for such revenge.
Juliet
Thou knowest the mask of night is on my face,
Else would a maiden flush bepaint my cheek
And draw a sword
For that which thou hast heard me speak tonight.
Romeo
Lady, by yonder blessed moon I vow,
That tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops —
Juliet
O, please, swear not by the moon,
Quite generic in thought it is.
Romeo
What shall I swear by?
Juliet
Do not swear at all,
Or, if thou wilt, swear by thy most unflattering self.
And I still shan't believe thee.
Good night, good night.
Leave me, hostile foe!
Romeo
O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?
Juliet
What satisfaction canst thou have tonight?
Romeo
The exchange of revenge, at least.
Juliet
I gave thee mine before thou didst request it.
And yet I would it were to give again.
Romeo
Wouldst thou withdraw it? For what purpose, enemy?
Juliet
But to be frank, and give it to thee again.
Romeo
O blessed, blessed night! I am afeard,
Being in night, all this is but a dream,
And I might not give revenge this night.
Juliet
Cease thy strife, and leave me to my grief.
Tomorrow will I send.
Romeo
I shall be waiting.
Juliet
A thousand times leave me!
[Exit, above]
Romeo
A thousand times to the worse.
Juliet
Hist, Romeo, hist!
Romeo
It is a very devil that calls upon my name.
[Exit]