I Don’t Own a Dog

Once upon a time I lived next to the neighbor from hell. They were on the frequent flier list with the police, zoning officials, child services, animal control, and even the fire department. They liked to fully utilize ALL the public services at their disposal.

One day they had left one of their dogs tied up in the yard. It was freezing rain and the poor beast stood shivering with no shelter. So I phoned Animal Control to ask if this was legal or not. Before I hung up the phone, they said they would be right over.

And so the Animal Control officer parked her truck in front of their house. She issued multiple citations including an order to appear in court. Then she pulled her truck forward up the street, parked in front of my house, then this pleasant young woman in a yellow raincoat informed me about what she had done.

Five minutes later came a brutal pounding on the door. It was the neighbor, a young man who had quite a storied history that included gang membership, prison and other less civic-minded pursuits that involved controlled substances and firearms.

I peered out the window. He stood with his fists clenched on the porch, he paced nervously and rang the bell again. I opened the door and smiled.

"Hey Chris, how's it going?" I said.

He blurted out, "Somebody called the pound on my DOG!" and stepped towards me.

"Funny thing," I said, "Some lady from animal control just stopped by. She asked me if I owned a dog! I told her no, I don't even OWN a dog!" His fists unclenched.

He relaxed a bit and said, "Well. If I ever find out who called the pound on my dog...."

"I'll keep my ears open and let you know," I said as I closed the door.